My Lighter Life Diet Journal

Sorry its been so long!

2007-07-15T17:45:00.000Z

I think I got myself all blogged-out. I didn't realise I'd not posted for so long!

Well I'm still plodding along with CD. Currently 2lb's short of reaching the 4 stone mark, so pleased with that. It's taken 4 months to get this far but at least I have gone past the half way mark. Not sure what the final goal will be, but I've dropped from a size 22/24 to an 18 which is great and I got some jeans from the Debenhams sale a couple of weeks back that were size 16 and could get in them - just couldn't move or breath!

My mum started CD when she came back from her holidays and she is doing well too. One good thing is that she wasn't as big as me to start so she's been giving me some of her clothes that are too big for her and when I get too big for them, I'm selling them on ebay!

I've added a couple of photo's - the first a shockingly awful one of me taken at a dog show last year - probably the biggest I've been. I hate the photo as I look so bad but in many ways it reminds me that I never want to go back to that size. The other photo was taken at the beginning of June and I can really see the difference!

Hope everyone is doing well with their losses too.

Wendy x

2007-05-24T08:54:00.001Z

Day 28 on CD

2007-05-22T14:32:00.000Z

Have been to get weighed today and very pleased to report that I've lost 4lbs, so that makes up for the 1lb gain last week. Very happy now!!

Day 27 on CD

2007-05-21T12:33:00.000Z

Still sticking with CD but still bored with it! I think I need to try and regain my focus so this week I'm going to make extra effort to catch up with everyone's blogs.

It's strange as I don't really notice any of the loss in myself yet other people have. After we went to collect Molly on Thursday Tracy posted some pics on The Refuge, including some of me (eeeek!!) and loads of people commented on how well I was looking. Its lovely, of course, but apart from tightening my belt an extra 5 notches since I started, I don't feel any different.

Yesterday I took the dogs and went down to south Wiltshire to see my friend Helen. She adopted a gorgeous Black Lab boy from us a few weeks ago and 'officially' I was doing her post adoption check, but it was also a chance to catch up. Helen lives in a tiny little village in a chocolate box cottage with her hubby and 4 dogs, 3 cats and free range chickens and guinea fowl. I'd completely forgotten about the chooks but thankfully Molly wasn't at all interested. Poppy and Helen's Chocolate Lab, Bert, have a bit of a luuurve thing going on so he was very impressed with me arriving with another choccie girl for him to schmooze. All of Helen's dogs are fab and they welcomed my lot straight in and played around in the garden.

When offered, I was very good and declined a cheese scone but just had a coffee. Helen's hubby was cooking bacon to make a sandwich but thankfully I wasn't the slightest bit tempted - mainly because he forgot about it being in the frying pan and was busy planting up the vegetable beds until Helen screamed at him that there was smoke billowing out of the house! I went in to use to loo and the whole cottage was full of thick smoke. Any worries I'd had about the tempting smell of cooking bacon wafting out were replaced with the stink of burnt frying pan. Probably just as well.

We took the dogs off out to a place called Wardour Castle and had a really good walk. All the dogs got on so well and did plenty of running about and some swimming. Helen's elderly and somewhat eccentric Bull Terrier, Cassie, kind of fell in the water and looked rather surprised but fortunately Helen pulled her out before she had the chance to swim or float out too far. Poppy stayed at the cottage with Helen's husband as she wouldn't have managed the walk but Bumpy and Molly had a good run.

I had been organised and taken a tetra pak of chocolate milkshake with me so drank that on the way home. It was a really lovely day as the weather was good, and the company lovely as always.

I will be getting weighed tomorrow and have tried to drink as much water as possible. I really, really want to make up for last week's gain and get to the 3 stone mark before my birthday in a couple of weeks. Must stay with the water/wee/water/wee routine!

Day 23 on CD

2007-05-17T19:59:00.000Z

Worked Tuesday and Wednesday so didn't get time to blog. Have been drinking loads and loads of water, so keeping focused!

Today has been a very exciting day. I went with a friend to the kennels where some of the homeless Lab Rescue dogs stay while we wait for them to find new homes. I took Poppy along with me to meet a little Lab girl who has been in the kennels for a few months with no home offers. The plan was to see if Poppy was happy with her and if so, I would foster her. I would also like to proudly point out that while Tracy had a bacon bap from the services, I drank my chocolate tetra pak!

The info we had was that she was originally a breeding bitch and then passed on to a couple who ended up keeping her in the garden. So, for the last couple of years, she had been living out in the garden but because she barked a lot, they gave her up to us.

I'm hoping we can overcome the barking with a bit more routine in her life and of course the company of Poppy and Bumpy when I'm not here. I'll start off leaving her for short periods to try and get her used to being left and see how we go. So far she is being very sweet and loves everyone and everything. We've been to the vets to get her registered and as she was a bit pongy from being in kennels, she has had a bath. After her exciting day, she's worn out now and fast asleep in Bumpy's bed (he's on Poppy's bed).

So, here she is. Please meet Molly

Day 20 on CD

2007-05-14T15:38:00.000Z

Not a great start to the week. Went and got weighed today (instead of Tuesday as I'm going to be at work) and I've put on a pound. I know its not the end of the world and I've still lost over 2.4 stone, but its a bit of a blow. But, rather than feel cross with myself I'm just going to keep on going and up the water intake. I was working nights last week and I know I always drink less water during the night, so all being well next week will be a good loss and make up for this blip.

Sorry for my grumpiness last week. I'm feeling a bit better now and trying to focus back on the positives rather than the negative thoughts that are normally buried away. I'm sure I will be happier once the weight has gone but I suppose at the moment, what with other things going on, the negative side of me comes out more. Maybe being a Gemini I've got a bit of a split personality.

In non-diet news my parents are now in Barbados. I left work early on Saturday morning and took them up to Manchester airport. Got them there safely and in plenty of time, only to get a phone call from my mum when I was driving home to say they had been offloaded from their plane as one of the engines had caught fire!! Once I was home I checked some online flight info sites and phoned my uncle in Barbados to let him know they would be delayed. Eventually they left Manchester at about 5.30pm. According to the email I had from my uncle earlier, they are enjoying themselves, no doubt helped by the fab weather and what seems to be a drinking tour of the island.

I did have a nice surprise though - while we stopped for coffee on the way to the airport my dad gave me an envelope and said it was an early birthday present (birthday is next month). It was a document from the DVLA confirming that he had purchased a number plate for me - K9 WVP!! Appropriate for me, with the dogs and my initials. It's a very lovely thing as he know's I've wanted it for ages. He wanted me to have it early so I could have the plates on my car in time for my birthday. Unfortunately, silly Dad hadn't signed the form so I can't change them yet. Never mind.

After I'd dropped my parents off on Saturday I popped in to see a friend who I've not seen for a while and she noticed the difference in me, which was nice. Had a coffee and a good chat before I made my way home.

Poppy has been to the vets today to have more fluid drained. She's been going off her food and being rather flumpy but after having 5 litres drained, she seems much happier. She has just eaten some dinner so hopefully will be perkier now she's not carrying the fluid around.

As always, thank you for the lovely comments. I know I am useless at leaving comments for everyone else, but I do read.

Good luck to Sarah Angelica Maybe who is starting CD today. I'm going to have a good week this week and drink plenty of water and look forward to a good loss next time.

Day 17 on CD

2007-05-11T22:23:00.000Z

Been a bit rubbish at updating this week. Weigh in on Tuesday was fine, lost anothe 3lbs so current total is 347lbs which is good in 2 months.

Had been on nights, then a day off then back in on nights for overtime. Leaving early tomorrow though to drive my parents to the airport.

Still feeling bleurgh. Trying not to be and give an outward show of someone who's happy but feeling down. Don't know why really. Having niggling feelings that although I know the weight is coming off and I know its showing, what if it doesn't make me happier? Maybe I've put too much importance on it and stupid thoughts that if I can sort the weight out I'll end up being happy.

Thank you for the lovely comments. I've not read them properly as I got a bit snivelly and I'm at work so will read again properly from home.

Day 13 on CD

2007-05-07T20:10:00.000Z

Fed up today. Fed up with the diet, fed up with feeling cold all the time. Working nights this week and I seem to struggle more since being on the foodpacks. I know I've always found the early hours is when I feel really cold, but its worse since I've not had real food. I'm fed up with moaning about being fed up!!

Stupid thing is, I don't actually want real food, I just miss it more when I am on nights. Maybe its because I know I have to stay awake whereas if I was at home I could just go to bed and get over any hunger, or phsycological hunger (Chris, I think you are right with that theory). I made up a strawberry foodpack when I got into work and worked out it was 15 hours since the last pack, yet I didn't feel hungry in between. I'll have another pack later and then that will be my 3 for the day, which is fine and do-able. I did find that on LL having 4 was hard work when it felt like there wasn't enough time to eat them all.

I suppose it is just boredom really. After the initial excitement of starting the diet, having the weight come off quickly now it just feels like I am plodding on with it and no real end in sight. I know I am doing well and hopefully when I get weighed tomorrow I will have gone past the 2.5 stone mark; clothes are looser and some of the things I am wearing now are smaller sizes, so again its a positive thing. I'm just so flipping bored of it all.

Maybe since changing to CD I don't have the focus of the 100 days like I did on LL. I was counting down the days until the first 100 was up but with CD I don't have that goal. If I was still on Foundation, the end of my 100 days would have been 30th June, which is just over 7 weeks away. I'd like to think that I could set myself a goal of having lost 4 stone by then, but thats another 22 lbs and an average of just over 3lb per week, so maybe not achievable.

Day 11 on CD

2007-05-05T09:33:00.000Z

I think Chris was right, it must be the hormones!! I've felt really hungry, despite having my 3 foodpacks a day and litres of water. Thinking about it though, TOTM did used to be a time when I would stuff myself full of rubbish food, just because it made me feel better. Its weird, as its the carby, starchy things I would crave although I don't crave them specifically now, just wish I didnt feel hungry all the time.

Despite me having started this whole thing back in March, for the last few days I've felt almost as rough as I did at the beginning. I am cold, constant tummy rumbling and feeling empty and feeling tired. I've got some other non-CD related things going on which probably isn't helping, plus of course Poppy's health problems seem to be a day to day thing, maybe its just all affecting more than I realised.

Day 10 on CD

2007-05-04T16:41:00.000Z

Grumpy today. Not just slightly narky, but majorly TOTM, bad tempered grumpy. Have felt starving hungry all day and had bad tummy. Made sure I shared my misery with anyone willing (or unwilling) to listen.

Working again tomorrow so will hopefully be in a better mood and will then catch up with everyone else in Blogland.

Day 9 on CD

2007-05-03T16:39:00.000Z

Worked Tuesday night so finished yesterday morning but as I am on day shifts today, ended up not doing anything interesting yesterday as I had to go to bed early to try and catch up on some sleep.

Left the blender at home today and brought in tetra packs of chocolate milkshake and a caramel foodbar. Much nicer than the LL one. Will have a shake when I get home but feeling a bit peckish now. Have drunk loads of water, so thats good.

Work trousers weren't particularly loose, but the waistband is gaping!! I have some strange proportion thing going on as my waist is much smaller than the rest of me. The CDC said that your waist should be half your height, so as my height is 65 inches, my waist should be 32.5. Its 38 now so thats not so bad, just would be nice to feel like the losses are elsewhere!

Day 7 on CD

2007-05-01T18:28:00.000Z

I have no idea where the last few days have gone, so if anyone know's, please tell me!

Can't believe its been a whole week on CD already!!! Had my weigh in this morning and have lost another 4lbs, so the total is now 34, which I am really pleased with. Stupidly I thought that if I kept up with 4lbs a week then by my birthday (in six weeks) I could have lost 4 stone. Never mind, any loss is still a loss and I shouldn't try and expect the same each week.

Today is a good day, not only because of the loss but mainly because it is Poppy's 3rd Gotcha Day. (A gotcha day is the day you celebrate when you don't know your pet's birthday). Officially, its also her 10th birthday but thats a guess rather than definite! She has been much brighter the last few days, mostly I suspect due to me cooking 3 course meals each day for her, but this morning she was most perky. After I came back from CD meeting we went for a little stroll - only to the green at the end of my road, but it was a little achievement for Pops never the less. This pic was taken while she stopped for a rest.

I'm pleased to report that my mum has been in touch with a CDC near her and she will be visiting tomorrow. Luckily she has found a CDC who does home visits. As she is on prescribed medication she will need to see the doctor so I suggested rather than wait until they come back from holiday to get things started now so she can start when she gets back. I'm ever so pleased as I know that like me, she would make out she was happy as she was, but really she wasn't.

Once again I must apologise for my useless attempts to keep up with everyone's blogs. What with Poppy and work and other stuff going on, I'm a bit all over the place, but I hope you are all doing well out there in Blog Land.

Day 52 (3 on CD)

2007-04-27T20:31:00.000Z

I think I got a bit muddled somewhere with my day numbering as when I posted yesterday, it was actually the early hours of this morning, so this is technically day 52. I think.

Anyway, I am very pleased to have tried the tetra carton of Chocolate Velvet - it's good! Very smooth and chocolatey, so I will definitely be getting lots more on Tuesday.

Tim has told me off for nibbling cheese, so I'd like to add that it was just a couple of tiny, weeny, miniscule pieces. And I won't do it again. I have told him that out of everybody who know's I am doing this, he is the one who nags me the most. Bless him, I know its done with the best intention. I shall just have to do less out loud thinking and then he won't have to nag me.

Last night shift this week and then not back in until next Thursday. On Monday I am taking my mum shopping as she wants to get some bits for her holiday to Barbados in 2 weeks time. She is very excited and has said that once she is home again, she's going to contact her local CDC and see if she will do home visits, so fingers crossed. I think seeing how well I have done has motivated her, plus of course the difference in cost between LL and CD. She likes a broader range of flavours than me so should be fine on the foodpacks, and as I suggested, can still sit at the table with Dad when he eats and have soup.

In a strange way I am looking forward to work next week as it will be a fortnight since I wore my new work trousers, so I'm hoping they are a little looser. Small things keep me going!

Day 50 (Day 2 on CD)

2007-04-27T00:17:00.000Z

If I was still on LL, this would be half way through Foundation, but its not! CD is ok so far. Surprisingly, I actually quite like the Toffee & Walnut drink. Still drinking my water but as I'm working nights, have slowed down a little or I will be up all day needing to wee.

Tonight I am working with Katrina, which is great as she did very well on LL so its nice to be a diet bore for the night. Its also encouraging to see that she has hardly put any weight on since going back to normal food. I'm having one of those nights where I find myself thinking of food a lot, but I must keep on resisting.

It is hard, especially when I'm cooking all sorts of things for Poppy, but apart from the odd nibble of cheese, I have been sticking to the foodpacks. Something that did perk me up was comparing my progress from my original LL book and the CD joining sheet. Apparently, my waist is 7 inches less than it was at the start!!! I am actually dead chuffed with that, as I know I feel like I've lost, and of course the scales tell me its over 2 stone, but inches is something new.

Had some good Poppy news earlier. I stopped at the vets on the way to work to collect more tablets and get the results from Wednesday's blood tests. Much to my surprise, and the vets too, the bloods were all relatively normal, which for a dog as poorly as Pops, is very good news. Her urea (sp) level was up which is most likely due to her being dehydrated, so the tablets are being changed around slightly to try and find the right balance. As the vet said, we need Pops to get rid of the fluid, but not to the point where she becomes dehydrated again. Potassium levels were ok, as were electrolytes, so I'm quite relieved that the results were better than expected.

I have been slack again at keeping up with everyone's blogs, but did sneak a peak at Lesley's yesterday and wanted to say congratulations at getting to the end of Foundation with such a fantastic loss so far.

Random pics, just because.......

2007-04-25T23:22:00.006Z

Saturday afternoon, coffee in SW London

Mindy's boys, Toby and Beenz cooling off at the weekend

Poppy, showing off her bandage after this morning's visit to the vets

Day 49 (day 1 on CD)

2007-04-25T22:45:00.000Z

Haven't had time to update until now.

Had a great weekend with Mindy and yes, I did eat, but it was mostly all good, healthy food. Mindy's new house is great and it was brilliant to finally see it.

Yesterday I went and saw the CDC for the first time and she was lovely. I was weighed, and considering I'd not been on the scales since the week before last at the LL session, the scales said I was 2lbs less, so that was good. I'm now in the 15's (although in the top bit!).

I have my foodpacks for the coming week and there was much more choice of flavours. Apparently CD make the foodpacks for LL, so there are some similarities - the CD Butterscotch tastes just like the LL caramel, which is a shame, as I wasn't that keen on it. Not to worry, I have plenty more to choose from and also the tetra packs.

Poppy has been worrying me a lot over the last few days as she had gone off her food at the end of last week and wasn't tempted by much at all. I came to the conclusion that the loss of appetite started once she was on the new diuretics, but the vet thinks it could be a coincidence. So, she went in this morning for bloods to be taken and tests as apparently lack of potassium can affect appetite and cause dehydration & lethargy. I'll get the results tomorrow. For the last couple of days, in an effort to get her to eat, I've been cooking up all sorts of things but the favourite seems to be grilled steak, scrambled egggs and cheese. Not an ideal diet, but at least all high in protein which is what she needs.

I have to admit that on Monday night, seeing her laying shiverring, I really did worry that she had had enough, and even accepted that when we went to the vets on Tuesday he might say we had run out of options, but thankfully yesterday she did perk up after eating the steak. Today she has been much brighter, eating 3 grilled steak fillets, one lot of scrambled eggs, 3 thick bits of cheese and some slices of ham. Seeing her bright eyed and waggy tailed tells me she hasn't had enough just yet and I'll keep doing everything I can.

Day 44 & 45

2007-04-21T07:34:00.000Z

Didn't update yesterday as not a lot to report! Poppy's new bed is great, although Bumpy has claimed it as his own and hardly moved off it all day. Poppy did get to have a little snooze on it, but then as soon as she moved, Bumpy was straight back on it!

We're off to London today to stay with Mindy which is very exciting as we'll get to see her new house. As planned, I'm going to eat real food this evening, but it will be healthy and I'll have my foodpacks for breakfast and lunch, so hopefully won't make too much difference. My new 1Gb memory card for my camera arrived yesterday so I'll no doubt take loads of photo's over the weekend when we are out and about with the dogs.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Day 43

2007-04-19T20:49:00.000Z

We've been out and about today. Went to Bristol to see a friend and spent the afternoon chatting and catching up and I was very organised and doubled 2 foodpacks and had that before I went and took another with me to have if I got peckish, which I did.

Not a lot else to report really. Poppy's new bed finally arrived although so far only Bumpy has been on it, and he still is now. Maybe tomorrow she will get to use it.

Day 42

2007-04-18T20:41:00.000Z

It's strange this evening, as for the last 6 weeks, I've spent my Wednesday evenings at the LL session, but not tonight. I've got enough foodpacks left over to keep going until I switch to CD, so I'm going to carry on using them.

Bought some new trousers for work yesterday, a size smaller as my other ones were falling off me! The new trousers fit more snugly than I'm used to but I'm going to stick with the foodpacks so that when I am on days again in a fortnight, they will fit comfortably.

I've got a week off work now as I'm not back on shift until next Wednesday night, by which time I will be on CD. I'm looking forward to it and seeing what the different flavours are like. I'm so bored of raspberry and chocolate now, I'm hoping I like the CD packs!

Day 40 & 41

2007-04-17T13:02:00.000Z

Didn't get round to updating yesterday, what with being at work and rushing around when I got home.

Having a bit of a strange day. I was emailing one of the girls from the LL group and told her that I'm going to be leaving. I explained about the cost, the times not always fitting in around work etc and she asked if I was going to go along tomorrow, which I said I would. She said why didn't I use up the foodpacks I have, and add sensible meals where necessary, and just start CD next week and save myself £66. This has really got me thinking. I've not had all 4 packs each day so I have loads left at home, although not enough for a week.

However, I am going to Mindy's this weekend and I had already decided I would eat healthily. Mindy has requested grilled fish or chicken and salad etc, so all very good. I'm going to see the CDC on Tuesday morning, so in theory, only need packs for tomorrow, Thursday and Friday and then breakfast and lunch on the weekend. So, I'm currently deliberating with myself as to whether to go tomorrow or not bother. I don't want to stop altogether, but I'm thinking that if I have enough packs, whats the point in going and paying out another £66 to get another week's worth, when I'm not going to need them? Also, as far as my weight, the scales with the CDC could be way out compared to the LLC, so its not necessarily going to be a true reflection of any loss.

Having said all that, the idea of actually buying food and eating food, if necessary, is really quite scary. For nearly 6 weeks, food has not come into my daily routine so having to make decisions about what to eat feels really odd. Its almost scary!

I'm really all over the place thinking about this so maybe the best thing would be for me to go home, see how many packs I have left and then decide.

Day 39

2007-04-15T17:11:00.000Z

Busy, but good day today. The Oldies Club (see links) organised a south west walk to celebrate their second anniversary, so Bumpy and I were going along. It's been a lovely day here, really quite warm so unfortunately Poppy had to stay at home as she wouldn't have managed the walk which was at the Cotswold Water Park. We met up with lots of other lovely OC supportes at Keynes Park which is where you can walk the dogs round the lakes.

Lots of the dogs enjoyed splashing about in the water and Bumpy had a little paddle, closely watched by Amber and Freddie Bassetts. All the dogs were very good and Bumpy has been snoring loudly since we got home. All the others were staying for a picnic but I came home, partly not to be watching people eat, but also as Poppy needed her tablets.

Thank you for all the comments after me posting about switching to CD. I will keep reading through the Green book and writing in here as already when I look back I see observations I've made about my previous eating patterns so I think a big part for me is realising where I previously went wrong and not going back to those old habits.

Day 38

2007-04-14T19:47:00.000Z

I've made a big decision today. I'm giving up LL and going to change over to Cambridge Diet. The main reason is the cost, I've got some things going on at the moment so with CD being £33 a week compared to LL at £66, I have to switch.

I've not spoken to my LLC yet but will tell her when I go on Wednesday. I spoke to the local CDC this afternoon who was lovely, and just down the road from me. She's flexible with times etc so that will make life easier with my shift work. I've also been struggling with having 4 foodpacks per day and after chatting with Steph Kittycat on msn, was pleased to find that its only 3 packs per day on CD. I think that will suit me better. Steph is getting on great with it so that takes away any worries I had about changing.

I haven't had any problems with the LL programme, and clearly its working for me, but I don't want to give up VLCD's completely as it does seem to be the only way I can lose weight.

When I was on the phone to the CDC I explained that I wanted to tell the LLC myself, and also have a chance to say goodbye to the girls in the group and wish them luck, as they are all lovely and I will miss them. The plan is that I will get the week's foodpacks I have ordered on Wednesday and use them and then go to see the CDC on Tuesday 24th and start CD once I've used up all the LL packs.

I'm going to have a mini-break from VLCD's at the weekend when I go and stay with Mindy. Her husband, Paul, is a very good cook so she's going to request some healthy meals like grilled tuna with salad and grilled chicken with steamed veg etc, so I will take my foodpacks for breakfast and lunch, but join them for a healthy dinner. I decided that I wanted to enjoy my weekend but didn't want to be rude and not sit and eat with them, so as Paul will cook something nice, I will enjoy it. As Mindy said, I'll probably find that I can't actually eat much anyway, so I don't think its going to do me any harm.

I'm not going to change blog though, as I still see this as my journey to a lighter life!

I waited in today as Poppy's new bed was due to arrive, but it didn't. I was going to go to Bath to meet up with some of the ladies from the minimins forum, but had to stay here, so cut the grass and pottered about in the garden instead.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend and enjoying this beautiful weather.

Day 37

2007-04-13T22:37:00.000Z

A quiet Friday really. Went to see my mum and took the dogs with me so we went for a walk. Still having the foodpacks and drinking the water.

Thats about it really!!

Day 36

2007-04-12T18:29:00.000Z

Still happy after yesterday's weigh-in. It's amazing how a good nights sleep and find out you've lost 2 stone can do to cheer yourself up!!

Poppy went to the vets this morning for a checkup after the fluid drain. The bad news is her heart rate has gone up, now 200 (was 150 last month) but the good news is that the vet is happy to continue doing the drains, even if she gets to need them weekly. He prescribed another type of diuretic, one that apparently isn't often prescribed, but as he said, we don't have anything to lose. Unfortunately they didn't have any in stock so will order some in and let me know when they are ready for me to collect. We discussed the next drain and left it that I would see how much fluid comes back and phone next week, with a view to doing the drain on Friday. That would be good as next weekend we're off to London to stay with Mindy so if Poppy can be more comfortable then she can enjoy the weekend too.

Went to see the Two Allans this afternoon as I'd not seen them for a few weeks. They didn't notice any difference in me (*insert grumpy face*) but then again they are blokes, and blokes don't notice much, do they? Also, as Tim pointed out to me before, while I am still wearing the same clothes, its not so obvious. The main thing is that I know I have lost pounds and inches, so thats all that counts.

I'm eagerly awaiting an update from Sarah, aka Angelica Maybe, as its her second weigh-in tonight. Naughty Sarah has been weighing herself each day and doesn't think she's lost much, but hopefully the scales will at the LL session will tell a different story. I did say, however, that everyone is so different with the rate they lose weight, after having such a good start in week 1 (13lbs) she may find she has one week with a big loss followed by a smaller loss and so on.

Day 35 - Weekly Weigh-In

2007-04-11T20:12:00.000Z

Didn't stay for the group session, but will come on to that in a tic. Lost another 4.5lbs, so thats now 2 whole stone in 5 weeks. I'm very happy with that.

Felt absolutely knackered last night at work after lack of sleep due to getting Poppy home etc. Was really glad to get home but couldn't go to bed as I was waiting for Parcelforce to come and collect the bed I sold and had booked the collection for the morning but they didn't arrive until 4pm, so I only had an hour's snooze on the sofa. Subsequently, feeling rough now and need to be up earlyish in the morning to take Pops for her checkup at the vets.

So, not feeling great due to the lack of sleep (1 hour in 29) so didn't feel like staying for the session. LLC was ok about it though when I explained and I'll make sure I read my green book so I don't miss out.

Day 34

2007-04-10T20:41:00.000Z

Wow, thank you all for the comments about Poppy - its very kind of you all to take the trouble to post.
I'm very pleased to report that Pops is back home and considerably slimmer than yesterday.

Here's what she was like last week:

And this was taken this morning:

Quite a difference 5 litres makes!! To be honest, I was quite shocked just how skinny Poppy had got, but then she's not been eating properly, so while she had all the fluid it didn't show. I'm just so happy to have her home with me again, and she's not struggling to breath, can lie down comfortably and manage the stairs on her own. We'll go for a walk on the hill tomorrow, which she will hopefully enjoy.

Ok, so back to LL matters. Very, very happy to find that I can get on a pair of jeans that I'd hardly worn as they were always a bit tight. They're a size smaller and put them on this evening to find they are loose!!! How good is that? I don't care how much I lose when I get weighed tomorrow as I've got proof at last that I'm losing inches.

Apart from feeling knackered after not sleeping much today, I'm pleased to report that this is turning into a very good day. Apart from Poppy coming home and getting into these jeans, the fab big bed that Poppy no longer likes will be leaving my house tomorrow and going to its new owner. A lady on the rescue forum offered to buy it, so with a donation to LRSE&C the bed is all packed up ready to be collected by Parcelforce in the morning. I'm still waiting for Poppy's next new bed to arrive and very glad that she's back home now so will be able to make use of it.

I hope everyone out in LL blog land is having a good week.

Day 33

2007-04-09T20:53:00.000Z

Took Poppy to the emergency vets this evening, before work. She'd gone off her food completely and was very restless, struggling with her breathing and looking very unhappy. Whereas she would be interested in me preparing her food, she wasn't even following me to the kitchen. Pieces of chicken wouldn't tempt her, nor a piece of her easter egg. Fortunately my vets are very good and when the vet called me back after I called the out of hours number, he told me to meet him at the hospital with Poppy.

Struggled to get Pops out of the car and when we got in the vets, she just flopped on the floor, unable to sit or stand comfortably. When Nick, the vet, arrived, he told me I had two choices - do the drain tonight, or make a decision I've been putting off. I explained that after the last drain, the change in Poppy was almost instant, so I wanted the drain done. I know I need to make sure my emotions don't get in the way of any decisions, but I know she's not ready to give up yet. She's still wagging her tail and her eyes are bright, so while she's like that, she's got to have everything done possible.

I signed the consent form (which I always hate) and took Poppy through to the theatre and left her with the vet nurse. Once I was in work, about an hour after I'd left Pops, Nick phoned and said he had managed to drain off 5 litres of fluid which was great news. Surprising, as I was expecting the amount of fluid to be less each drain, but he was pleased with that. He told me she was eating some dinner and he wanted to keep her in over night so the on-site nurse could keep a check on her. I know she didn't rest much today as when I was trying to sleep I could hear her pacing about downstairs, so hopefully she'll be glad of the peace and have a good nights sleep. I'll be glad to go and get her in the morning. Just hope Bumpy is ok tonight as he's never been left on his own overnight since I've had him. My neighbour will be going in at about 10pm as usual, to take him for his last walk and said she'd give him a couple of extra biscuits.

To say I'm relieved, is an understatement. I was so scared earlier as she just looked so pathetic. While we waited for Nick, I sat on the floor with her and cuddled her, talking to her and her eyes were still bright and she knew I was chattering away, but she didn't even have the strength to hold her head up. Obviously this drain is not going to give her much more time, but all the time her eyes are bright and light up when I talk to her, she's going to have everything possible done.

I sat at home earlier, dithering as to whether or not to call the out of hours vets number, but knowing I'd be at work I was so worried that Poppy's heart wouldn't be able to cope and I dread something happening when I'm not there.

Oddly, despite all my worrying, I've not sought comfort from food. I think that before LL I would probably have stocked up on junk food on the way in to work, justifying to myself that I felt down so needed the food. Ok, so I would normally have bought crappy food anyway, but I didn't stop and buy big bars of chocolate or tubes of Pringles.

Once again, thank you for all your kind words on my blog. I will try my best to catch up with everyone.

Day 32

2007-04-08T21:21:00.000Z

Thank you for all the good thoughts for Poppy. She's much the same today, still not very interested in her food, but there's not a lot that can be done really until she has the fluid drain. I've been giving her bits of cooked chicken and ham with her tablets, so she's getting something.

I treated both the dogs to an Easter Egg each. As you can see, Poppy was not impressed to start with...

She was more interested in watching what Bumpy was doing with his egg.

Bumpy, being a typical food-focused Lab, didn't hang around and even started trying to remove the egg from the foil himself!

Deciding it wasn't poison, Pops had a little bit of chocolate, bless her.

And that was the ONLY chocolate in my house today.

It's been another beautiful day but as I'm on nights from tonight, I tried to have a lie in. Got up at 6am and let the dogs out but went back for another couple of hours. Woke up as I could hear Poppy trying to get up the stairs but sadly she can't manage on her own so I had to jump out of bed to stop her coming up.

Once the dogs were sorted out, pottered around for most of the morning, doing housework stuff and then went back to bed at about 1pm to try and get a few hours extra sleep. Forgot to close the stairgate so was woken by Pops trying, and managing this time, to get up the stairs. She really is a mummy's girl and just wanted to sleep by my bed.

Work is really quiet this evening as due to the weekend there's various stuff put on hold. Co-worker has gone to the pub and I might go and visit my dad later as he's working nights too. Being bored isn't making me want to eat, which is good although I am bored with the foodpacks, but then I suppose I always have and will be.

Going to catch up with everyone else's blogs in a bit, and a special hello to Mel *waving*

Day 31

2007-04-07T21:21:00.000Z

Another day with not much to report. Didn't start work until 10am and was lucky in that we were able to go home at 4.30pm, so a nice short day and some time to myself at home.

Still drinking the water and getting through the foodpacks.

I'm getting more worried about Poppy as she's going off her food again, probably due to being so swollen. I've got her cooked chicken and bought pouches of 'real' food from the pet shop, so all natural ingredients, but she's not interested in those much anymore. Eventually got her to eat something this evening but its a worry as being a Lab, she's always loved her food. She's booked in for an abdomen drain again on Wednesday so I just hope she can cope until then. Will take her and Bumpy up on the hill tomorrow and see if she can manage a little potter about.

The fab new bed I bought her the other week isn't so popular anymore, which is a shame as I thought it would be comfortable for her, but I think the beans moving about when she goes to get on it are the problem as her mobility is a litle reduced as she's so big around the middle. I found a comfy looking bed on Ebay, which matches Bumpy's bed, so as my paypal account was topped up when I sold a mobile phone on there, I emailed the seller and he can supply the large bed. Hope it arrives soon!

Working tomorrow night but will hope the weather is good again tomorrow as I'll be here to actually enjoy some of it!

Day 30

2007-04-06T11:26:00.000Z

And what a lovely, sunny day it is. And I'm at work. Not all bad though as lovely co-worker told me not to come in until 10am so I had a lie-in until 6.30 and then got up and pottered about. Took Bumpy for a lovely walk while Poppy stayed home.

Got in for about 9.45am and its all quiet today as there's no one else in, but we still need to do our stuff. I got some of the St Clements powder the other day and don't like it in still water but I'm liking it in sparkling, so that makes a nice change. Also brought my electric blender in so my foodpacks are nice and smoothly made.

Talked to Sarah this morning who has had a fantastic first week's loss which has made me really happy for her. I know its been a hard week but the results hopefully make it all worthwhile.

Hope eveyone is having a good long weekend.

Day 29

2007-04-05T19:41:00.000Z

Not much to report today. Went to work, drank lots and lots of water and about to have my last foodpack of the day. Not really in the mood for blogging to will go and watch some telly.

Day 28, pt - Weekly Weigh-In

2007-04-04T21:29:00.000Z

Lost another 2.5lb's, so that's a total of 23.5lb's so far.

Work tomorrow so off to bed now.

Day 28

2007-04-04T13:09:00.000Z

As I type this, I can hear the ice cream van up the road. Its annoying rather than tempting, so thats good.

Domestic day today as back to work tomorrow and I like to have everything clean and tidy as I don't have time when I get in after work. I'll be on my 3 days/3 nights which means no Easter break for me, but I don't actually mind and wouldn't have been doing much anyway.

There are 2 easter eggs in the house. Not for me, they are special Dog Easter Eggs that I got in the pet shop yesterday, so there is no temptation. Poppy has been a bit unwilling to eat so I got some more naturediet yesterday along with some pouches of natures menu. Seems she likes the 'real' food with her biscuits, but so long as she eats, I don't really care. There's a new pet shop opened in town here which is great as it stocks the food Bumpy has. It's one of the cheapest but its made for working dogs, and is one of the few that doesn't upset his tummy. We'll be going up the hill in a bit for our walk but have to wait until after 3pm as the cow's go in for milking then.

I'm looking forward to weigh-in tonight although I'm being realistic in thinking that the loss will probably start to slow down. Don't care though as I'm one and a half stone lighter than I was a month ago, which is great.

Will report back later after weigh-in.

Day 27, pt 2

2007-04-03T21:28:00.000Z

After this morning's handbag post, I'm pleased to report that normal Blog service has been resumed.

I had my blood pressure check this morning. Everything was good and my BP has lowered a little, which is great. Nursey Lisa was lovely and said she's really pleased with my progress and that I even looked happier, so thats good feedback.

Reading posts on minimins and seeing how other's are being charged for their BP checks and don't always seem to get much support from their surgery, I really do feel lucky to have such great support from Lisa. She's not a skinny chick herself and said she can relate to how I've felt, so thats good.

Had my hair appointment this afternoon so I am now a lighter shade of blonde, thanks to fresh highlights and I've had more layers cut into my hair. Despite being 2 weeks overdue for my cut, I was good and managed to refrain from hacking at my fringe with the kitchen scissors, so its nice to be able to see properly again!

Talking on the phone to Sarah today and I was very relieved to hear that she's getting on better now after feeling so rough the first few days. I know how much better I am feeling and I was really, really wanting Sarah to stick with it and get over the crappy phase. Seems the discovery of turning a vanilla foodpack and some St Clements flavouring into a cheesecake smoothie will be her saviour!

Something else that occurred to me yesterday was that since starting LL, I'm not snacking (obviously!). I used to snack a lot and didn't have set meal routines but I'm hoping that by having the foodpacks I will get out of the habit of snacking. I plan what packs to have, like today, knowing I would be leaving the house around lunchtime, I doubled up a raspberry and had that at about 10am, knowing that I wouldn't be hungry until I got home at about 4.30pm and planned to have a soup. I had my hot chocolate at about 9pm and thats me done for the day. I know its ages away until Management and beyond, but I'm pleased with how my thought patterns are changing and rather than missing food, I'm making positive, conscious plans for the part food will play in my life.

Weigh-in tomorrow and I'm excited. Mad really as stepping on scales would usually fill me with dread!

Hope everyone out in Blog land is having a good week.

Day 27 - Especially for Cath

2007-04-03T07:19:00.000Z

Just for Cath, a pic of my fab new bag! Good to know another fan of Radley bags out there.

As mine was from the Outlet, it is one of last year's but at £40 off, mum wasn't complaining!!

Day 26

2007-04-02T19:58:00.000Z

Had a good day today. My car was booked in for a service (I'd kept putting it off so it was long overdue) and while it was in the garage, I'd arranged to take my mum to the Great Western Outlet Village in Swindon. So, dropped the car off and collected the loan car and went to my parents house. As I'd left the house at 8.30am I'd not had a foodpack so took my whisk and a raspberry pack with me and had my breakfast there.

After I'd 'eaten' we headed off for the shops. Mum was looking for some new sandals to take on holiday although she didn't know what she wanted until she found them! We were both cheered up when we went into the Radley shop and she was very lovely and bought me a new Radley handbag as an early birthday present. She spotted a bag for herself for her holidays, so that was both of us happy.

Eventually mum found exactly what she was looking for and now has a very comfy looking pair of leather sandals and as we were getting closer to Starbucks, we went in for a coffee. I was very good as I'd taken a Lemon foodbar with me so while mum ate her cinnamon swirl and drank her latter, I ate my foodbar and drank the bottle of water I bought. I even managed not to dribble as the couple at the next table ate their cheese and ham pannini's, which is a snack I love! But I behaved myself and didn't give in to temptation and after I was pleased with myself.

To finish off our shopping mum got me a very good extra birthday present - an electric steamer!! I'd said that I planned to get one when I go into Management so obviously won't be needing it yet, but she's going to save it for me and wrap it up for my birthday. It was too good a bargain to miss and its great to know I'll have it when I need it. Who would have thought I'd get excited over a steamer?!

All in all we had a good morning out. It was good to think that in a few months I will be able to buy clothes in the Outlet Village. Oh, and before I forget, if anyone who reads this blog has an outlet place near them with a Jaeger shop - their sizes are generous! We walked through on our way out and spotted the £10 or under rail and mum found a pair of trousers in a size 18 but they looked quite roomy. When she tried them on they fitted well and she was most pleased as she's usually a 20!

Got my car back in the afternoon after coming home for a bit. Poppy needed her tablets and Bumpy wanted a walk and I wanted to admire my new bag. And send a photo of it to Mindy!

Off to the doctors in the morning for my BP check and then hairdressers in the afternoon.

Day 25, pt 2

2007-04-01T17:14:00.000Z

I've been catching up with everyone else's blogs and realise how pants I've been at keeping up, so thank you all for your support. Sorry its only a picture, but the sentiment is real!

Day 25

2007-04-01T10:50:00.000Z

A QUARTER OF THE WAY THROUGH!!!

Well, the first 100 days of Foundation, anyway. But it feels good and has perked me up a bit. Still thinking about food quite a lot but imagining the nice things I will have once I get to the end of this. From now on I will keep telling myself that if I can get this far without eating, I can easily carry on.

Having a lazy day today, apart from a bit of housework and walking the dogs. Will catch up with everyone else's blogs later as I've been a bit poop at keeping up and you lot are all so supportive.

Day 24

2007-03-31T19:55:00.000Z

Another quiet day. Came home from work in the morning but had to go to the vets to collect more tablets for Poppy so had to wait until they opened at 9am. Went to bed at about 9.30 and didn't bother setting the alarm, just thought I'd sleep until I woke up but didn't get up until nearly 4pm. Will no doubt not want to sleep later.

Feeling a bit fed up today. I'm trying to stay positive that this is nearly one quarter of the way through the first 100 days, but I'm just missing food. Period is due so thats probably not helping but I keep thinking of nice things I would have had, even though I know they are what made me fat. I have just made a hot chocolate and doubled up as I'd only had 2 foodpacks so far, but couldn't help thinking I would much rather have had a Chinese takeaway! Must keep on reminding myself that in a few months I can and being slimmer is better for me now than having the food I want.

It's turned out really windy here this afternoon so we had a rather blustery walk on the hill. Was nice though, to get some fresh air and the dogs enjoyed it.

Had to just come back and edit as I remembered some nice news. Poppy came runner up in a Valentines competition for the Oldies Club which is a charity that helps rehome more mature dogs. She gets a lovely new tag and her choice of biscuits from http://www.dixiedog.co.uk/products.html. They make fab homemade dog bisctuis with all natural ingredients.

Day 23

2007-03-30T20:46:00.000Z

Nearly a quarter of the way through the first 100 days! Feels like its trundling along quite nicely.

Working again tonight, so have been sleeping in the day. Well, apart from getting up to wee. Co-worker Tim is eating soup and it smells very nice, along with his crusty bread. He bought in a french stick which I sniffed a few times earlier. I miss bread. I'm having a raspberry drink and will banish all bread related thoughts from my mind.

Rather than think constantly about this diet I've been trying to concentrate on other things, as in changes I've noticed so far. My belt is now done up 3 notches tighter. My jeans are looser. I can wrap my bath towel further round me and the same with my dressing gown. Apart from when I'm working nights, I have more energy. I wake up easier in the morning. I feel more positive. I'm actually looking forward to the summer!

Day 22

2007-03-29T21:44:00.000Z

Not much to report today really, seeing as I've been asleep during the day. Well, apart from getting up as I needed the loo.

I had a raspberry shake in the morning while I was still at work and had another foodpack when I got here at about 7pm so to make sure I have all 4 I'm doubling up a hot chocolate. Haven't felt like having a soup so can see myself ending up having just 2 flavours each day. Never mind.

Poppy is plodding along still although I think she's getting a little swollen again. Will have to keep a close eye on her in case I need to bring forward the drain, but in herself she's still happy and waggy. She's so pleased to see me when I get home its just lovely. I've been giving her each lot of tablets wrapped in a slice of thin ham as I often struggle to get them down her (she has 5 tablets in the morning, 2 at lunchtime and another 4 in the evening) but as soon as I get the ham out of the fridge she's in the doorway, eyes lit up and so excited. I'm resisting the urge to eat the ham but did lick a slice last week, just to remind myself what it tasted like!

In June there is a works thing on in central London at a really posh venue where we'll be having a garden party. Tim said I'll have to find a posh frock if I go. To be honest, posh frock shopping is rather alien to me so I have no idea whether I will go, but its on the 15th and the end of my 100 days of Foundation is the 30th, so in theory I could be a lot slimmer. It's weird as the idea of going out to buy a dress almost terrifies me - I've never been a very girly girl and I'm usually in jeans and baggy tops or jumpers. Maybe as I get further through this it will seem less scary and I might get a little excited about dressing like a girl for a change, who knows.

Day 21 - pt 2 & The Weekly Weigh-In

2007-03-28T22:07:00.000Z

Another 3lbs since Sunday, so thats a grand total of 21 lbs lost so far, in 21 days!!!!! To say I am very pleased is an understatement.

I can do my belt up by another notch, which is also rather fab as at least I am noticing changes in my body rather than just the numbers on the scales. Have been naughty today though and only had one foodpack before the group session. Didn't really help that after doing my domestic bits and bobs I went back to bed for a few hours and then didn't want a foodpack when I got up. Since getting to work this evening I've had a soup and will have a hot chocolate before midnight and then have to start a new day after 12. Think I should be ok but I've just not felt hungry, although at least from tomorrow I will have a bit more routine to my day. Starting nights always messes things up.

Group session was good, although I giggled my way through most of it. Hayley, who I was sat next to, makes me laugh constantly and at one point I was literally crying I was laughing so much. It's a nice group of people though and as the weeks go on we are all getting more comfortable discussing things, which is great. We talked about meeting for a coffee next week before the group so will try and remember that.

Before I sign off for tonight, I'll just wish Sarah aka Angelica Maybe a good first LL session tomorrow (GOOOD LUCK!!!) and say hello to Mark *waving*

Will catch up with everyone else but as always, thank you for all the supportive comments - you are all very lovely.

Day 21

2007-03-28T08:41:00.000Z

Blimey, 3 weeks gone already!! Not much to report so far today as I've not been up that long. On nights tonight so tried to sleep in a bit but for some strange reason, I was still up earlyish. Will try and sleep later.

Been playing around with the blog layout this morning and have added a few links. Don't know why I didn't think of doing that before!! Anyway, have added The Refuge which is a great rescue-related forum, my good friend Sarah's rescue site (she runs the Bengal Cat Rescue) and the Dogstar Foundation which supports a vet in Sri Lanka to neuter, flea treat and vaccinate stray dogs that live around the temples. Sam, who runs the Foundation, went to Sri Lanka last year to work with the Millenium Elephant Foundation and decided to do all she could to help the stray dogs that are often cared for by monks but they don't have the funds for basic veterinary care. I've also added LRSE&C which is where my dim, blind Bumpy came from as they are a fab Labrador Rescue who I volunteer for, and Mindy is one of the area co-ordinators.

Not much planned for today, just some housework and then try and get a couple of hours sleep this afternoon. Will be back later with an update after the weekly weigh-in.

Day 20

2007-03-27T19:12:00.000Z

Well its been a busy day today. Haven't even had time to think about LL really, which is good I suppose. Took Pops to the vets this morning for her checkup. Not brilliant news but she's got to have another fluid drain in 2 weeks although the vet warned me that as she has more drains done, they will not be able to take so much fluid. The right side of her heart is pretty much knackered so its just going to be waiting until her heart gives up completely. In herself though, she's still happy and waggy and eating well.

After we got back, I had my usual breakfast of a hot raspberry shake. I've never actually tried it cold but like it hot, which is possibly a bit odd. Once I'd had that I decided that as it was such a lovely sunny day, I'd go to the garden centre for a few things. There's a lovely one near me at Lacock and as I was looking for a rose, I went there as they have a good selection.

Last year for my birthday my dad made me a pergola for the patio and I have a yellow Clematis which grows up one side so I thought I would find a nice yellow climbing rose to grow up the other side. I found one called Arthur Bell which was just what I wanted and it will have strongly scented flowers apparently. I got a couple of lovely glazed blue pots for the rose and to move the clematis into. Also bought some perennials - Pinks, Lupins, Red Hot Poker and some flower seeds and spent most of the afternoon out in the garden planting everything up. Just got to wait for it all to grow now!

I suppose that being busy, I didn't feel hungry and wasn't thinking about food. I know I didn't have enough water but will try and make up for it this evening. I didn't have my second foodpack of the day until about 6pm so will double up 2 chocolate's and them have later. I avoided going anywhere near the cafe at the garden centre as I still don't feel ready to be near food yet - that it always smells lovely in there I'm not sure I trusted myself!

I phoned Katrina at work last night and had a lovely chat with her. She's done with LL now and eating normal food again but she said she is very much aware of what she's eating. I was trying to remember when it was she started, but I think its about 6 months now so to think that in that time she has lost the weight she wanted to and is back on proper food is very inspiring.

Weigh-in night tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to. I'll try and remember to read my Foundation book tomorrow, in between sleeping as I'm on nights from tomorrow. I don't think I could manage this without the weekly session as I am still really missing food. Nothing specific, just real food. I expect its quite normal and I will just keep on reminding myself that I've done nearly 3 weeks of this already, so if I can do 3 weeks, whats a few more?

Day 19

2007-03-26T17:59:00.000Z

A good day today. Weather has been great so I've been out in the garden, tidying and painting the fences. The whizzy paint sprayer has to be the best thing I've bought in ages, its lovely and quick.

Poppy is still perky, which is great, and we had a fab walk up on the hill again today. I love it that we never see anyone else and can potter about as we please and the view is fantastic too.

Spoke to my mum again today and she's still very interested and really pleased for me after my weigh-in yesterday. Thanks ladies for the suggestions of CD - I mentioned it to her and she's going to see how I get on and maybe think about doing it later in the year.

Only had a short chat with Mindy today as she's not got her home phone connected yet in the new house and the mobile reception is, at best, dodgy. Strange for central London, but there we go. The new house sounds wonderful and I can't wait for when we visit next month. She's had so much stress and hassle over the last few months that I'm so pleased she's finally in and it's everything she dreamed it would be.

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of days about the conversation I had with my mum on Saturday and about my weight holding me back. It has, and it does, and I know it. I think thats probably what makes me feel sad about being overweight; how my perception of myself has affected me. Or rather, how I have let it affect me. Way back in my pre-fat days I used to go horse riding regularly, go ice skating, go clubbing etc and I loved all those things. I can't really remember the last time I did any of them. At work, there's often nights out but even if I'm not working I very rarely go. I just hate the feeling that I'll be the 'token fat-bird' and look stupid. I know that most of how I feel is probably stupid and purely down to my lack of self confidence, but I suppose I just got used to wanting to blend in and not stand out. Anyway, I'm going to try not to think about it too much and concentrate on looking forward. To being able to do what I want, whether its ride a horse, go out or whatever. Onwards and upwards!

Day 18, pt 2

2007-03-25T20:41:00.000Z

I went to the pop-in session earlier and got weighed - I've lost another 4lbs, YIPPEEEE!!! So thats 18lbs in 18 days. I'm over the moon with that.

Actually, it was quite nice as the LLC only had one other person call in and she was leaving when I got there so we had the chance to chat a bit. We talked about once I get on the Management and in some ways its a bit scary to think that in however many months I'm going to be let loose with real food again. Obviously I don't want to go back to eating the same kind of crap that got me where I am now, so it was reassuing to know that there will be menu idea's and food plans to help.

I was saying that I had been thinking a lot about the group session and how our parents affect our eating habits and that a lot of the veg I hate is probably due to being fed soggy, overcooked stuff as a child. I'm not blaming my parents, but I suppose 25 years ago there wasn't so much choice in food, nor the variety in cooking methods. So, thinking ahead, I've decided I'm going to invest in a steamer when I get closer to Management. Before starting LL I went for dinner with the Two Allans and they'd cooked the veg in a steamer and I was surprised how good it tasted! I'm not expecting to change my intense hatred of pea's, but other green food could be ok.

Day 18

2007-03-25T15:40:00.000Z

My mum rang me this morning for a chat. She's being so supportive of me doing LL, its great although makes me feel a little daft for not telling her at the beginning. She was surprised that I don't always feel hungry enought to eat all the foodpacks, considering how much I used to be able to eat, and said I must make sure I have all 4 each day to get my vitamins and minerals etc.

There's a pop-in session this evening. Think I might go along, just to have an interim weigh-in and check I'm still in ketosis, especially as I've not had so much water the past couple of days.

Day 17

2007-03-24T14:23:00.000Z

Went and saw my mum today. I told her all about LL and to start with, as expected, she was worried as she thought 500cals a day isn't enough, but once I had explained about the programme, the counselling, the regular check-ups at the doctor she was a lot happier. She said she was pleased for me as she's always felt my being overweight has held me back a bit in life. I know she will be wanting to know how I get on and its good to know she's supportive. She even said she thought I was brave cutting food out completely, bless her.

Otherwise, a quiet Saturday. Took my car to the garage to get it booked in for a service the week after next. Haven't had it done for ages so it will be in there for a few hours, plus new timing belt which according the the big book of timing belts will take about 3 hours! So, have booked a loan car and as the garage is close to my parents, my mum and I are going to go to the outlet village.

Something I am looking forward to is shopping at the outlet village once I've lost weight. Whenever I've been there, I've never bought anything to wear apart from a few tops in Gap, so it will be great to get some bargains once I take a smaller size. Mum could relate to that as she's gained weight herself over the years. Although she's taller than me at 5' 7" (I inherited the short genes from my dad) she still wants to lose weight. We looked at the LL website while I was with my mum but there's not a counsellor near to her unfortunately. My dad works shifts and mum doesn't drive anymore so she would be reliant on him to take her, but I said maybe look again in a few months and see whether there are any new counsellors or wait until my dad cuts down his hours and they can be more flexible on days etc.

I was going to pain the fence but its a bit blowy here today so I've postponed. I got one of those whizzy sprayer things and as much as I'd like to play about with it, its too windy. I shall do houseworky things instead and maybe cuddle up on the sofa with Pops and read my book. I like days like today when I can do what I want!

Day 16

2007-03-23T19:10:00.000Z

Friday already! Poppy seems to be feeling much better, which is brilliant. She's more lively, has her appetite back and has been out on the hill for some walks. We did a homecheck today so she came out for the ride in the car although Bumpy was homechecking assistant today. It's his 2nd Gotcha Day - can't believe its a whole 2 years he has been here. He is oblivious of course as his whole world revolves around food, sleep, walks, cuddles and chewing a Nylabone when the mood takes him.

So, back to dieting matters. I sleem to have slowed down on the water intake, which is not good and I need to step it up. I've also found I've not felt hungry enough to eat all the foodpacks but I'm forcing myself as I know I need the intake of vitamins and minerals. Weird though, to think that a few weeks ago I could quite happily stuff my face full of all sorts of crap!.

I've decided that I'm going to tell my mum about LL tomorrow. I love my mum to bits and we have a very good relationship, but for some reason I never tell her some things that are really important or private. I suppose deep down I've not told her yet as I worry that she will think its dangerous or I will fail and let myself down. I'm sure she know's that I am unhappy as I am but she doesn't want to add to my despair by talking about it. I want my mum to be happy for me that I'm taking control of this part of my life which makes me so unhappy. I don't think she truly know's how unhappy being overweight makes me, as its never something I have talked about.

I don't really know why I decided now that I would tell my mum, maybe its because I feel that now I'm in my third week and have started off so well, its almost like I needed to convince myself that I could do this before I told her. Now I really do feel I am going to succeed. I think that when I started I wanted to succeed but 100 days or more seemed like a long way to go, but now I am used to not eating, and of course havfing lost a stone so far, its finally sunk in that I can do this.

Day 15

2007-03-22T07:57:00.000Z

Thank you all for the lovely messages, especially wishing Poppy well - its very kind of you to think of us.

Poppy is doing well today after yesterdays trip to the vets. When we got there she had to be weighed and her usual weight is between 29kg and 30kg. She weighed in at 37kg which is al the fluid she was carrying. The vet rang me before I could pick her up and said he'd managed to drain over 4 litres which was really good as the last time, a month ago, it was only 1 litres. He said that for her to be roughly 8kg's overweight, it would be all the fluid. Its more than likely that she will fill up again and I need to watch for side effects like swollen feet, but we've got an appointment for Tuesday for her to have a checkup.

When I picked her up at lunchtime, she looked so much different already and was much livelier in herself. She's always pleased to see me but this time she had a spring in her step and was wagging her tail non stop. I'm sure she must have felt better not having those four litres to carry around!

I know that being realistic she isn't going to get any better and we can only try and keep her going, but I'm hoping that when she does fill up again she can have regular drains to ease the fluid and we can maybe have a few more months. She got stuck in Bumpy's bed the other day and I had to tip her out so I found a huge new bed for her online yesterday and its being delivered today, so hopefully she will feel more comfortable knowing she can't get stuck if she has a roll around.

Ok, so back to this diet. As I was out to the vets and with Bumpy yesterday morning I didn't have my first foodpack until nearly 1pm, although I didn't really feel hungry. I did actually struggle to have all 4 and ended up taking one of the bars to have in the meeting and then a chocolate when I got home. I was glad that I had planned my packs for the coming week as it made it much easier to fill in my order form knowing that I would have a bit more variety.

Our LLC said that our group was now closed as we had had a few new ladies join over the last couple of weeks. The new ladies seem nice although there's a couple that I've not really spoken to. After reading about the fitness instructor in the DVD on Minimins, I giggled most of the way through that bit of the DVD we watched last night. I'm such a grown up sometimes. Not.

I still don't feel much different after losing one stone, but I did find yesterday that I could get my jeans off without undoing them - useful, huh?! While we were sitting there last night I was fiddling with my hands and twisting my ring, which had always been tight, and it just slipped off! A pleasant surprise but I'd never thought my hands were fat so I think I'd rather be losing fat elsewhere.

Day 14 & Weekly Weigh-In

2007-03-21T22:25:00.000Z

Back from tonights session and lost another 3lbs, so thats one whole stone in a fortnight, which I am really pleased with.

Poppy had her drain done today and they got out 4 litres!! She looks so different which is great. Will update properly tomorrow, but thank you for thinking of her.

Day 13

2007-03-20T20:31:00.000Z

I'm afraid most of today's entry is about Poppy, rather than this diet.

Poppy's been to the vets this morning as she has got very swollen again over the last week. Sadly, its not very good news. According to Malcolm, the vet, she is "on the highest dose of everything she can have" but all the meds still aren't helping her. Although we usually see another vet, Alison, Malcolm was ther when Poppy had the drain done before so had seen how she was then. Malcolm said that if he's being honest, he's surprised she's lasted this long and that although he is happy to do the drain, being realistic its putting off the inevitable. I've told Malcolm that I want everything possible done for Pops. She deserves more time than this so if it helps this time, he has agreed that we can look at draining the fluid every 3 weeks or so. There is the worry that the drain will take away protein that Pops needs and that her abdomen will just fill up again, but last time was a month ago and she did perk up for a couple of weeks, so I'm hoping against hope that we can keep her going a bit longer this way.

In herself, Pops is still bright and still waggy and happy around me. She can't manage the stairs on her own and she's leaking more, but while her eyes are still bright and her tail is wagging, I'm not giving up on her yet So, tomorrow morning I've got to take her in to be drained and then phone at lunchtime.

I know that Poppy, being a rescue and not having had a good start in life was never going to have any guarantee of a long life with me, but I get so bloody angry to think that people who run places like the one she came from are concerned more with money than the health and welfare of the dogs they breed from. Obviously if Poppy had never been a puppy farm bitch, I wouldn't have her now, but I just love this little girl so much I want her to have more time than she's had so far.

Getting back to the main reason for this blog, the diet, there's not much to report for today. Despite being upset today, I've not felt hungry not had any inclination whatsoever to eat as 'comfort'. It was 'curry day' in the cafe at work but luckily for me, I'm not keen on curry so that wasn't tempting. Tim ate a bag of crisps earlier and I could quite happily have eaten just one, to remind myself what I was missing, but he took himself off away so I didn't have to smell them or listen to him chomping away. Probably for the best.

Tomorrow is of course weigh-in night which I'm looking forward to. I've been drinking plenty of water and sticking to the foodpacks, although I'm rapidly going off the toffee bars. Hopefully my list that I wrote the other day will make the coming next week easier.

Day 12

2007-03-19T14:25:00.000Z

Work again today. Woke up before the alarm went off so maybe this theory of having more energy etc after the first couple of weeks is true. Frozen windscreen wipers lost me the time I gained from being early. Never mind.

Back on shift with Tim, which is ok. There are far worse co-workers to have. Tim now has the url for this blog so if he starts being mean to me, I'll just write mean things about him. Seriously though, Tim has actually been very supportive, so it does help. I'm not going to say too many nice things about Tim or he'll only let it go to his head and be further convinced that every female is, in his own words, gagging for him.

Anyway, I definitely feel like I'm coping near food better. I've smelt food, seen food and I'm not so bothered today. I've drunk over 5 litres of water already, which is keeping the hunger away, although I've had a bar and a foodpack already. I sat down yesterday and planned the next lot of foodpacks. I think I've been a bit hasty last week with my choices as I've got too many soups and bars. Hopefully by planning it better, I will enjoy them more.

Couldn't get an appointment at the vets for today so going tomorrow. Means I'll not be in work first thing, but at least with a morning apppointment if Pops does need to go in and get drained, they might do it the same day. She didn't want her breakfast again this morning so something needs to be done. Apart from the fact she needs to eat, I don't know if I'm ready yet to cope with roast chicken etc if Poppy goes off her food.

I've done some pondering today, after speaking to a couple of people. It's strange how the most unlikely people can be supportive. I suppose that if most people were honest they would have hangups about their weight, body etc so maybe I shouldn't be surprised. I knew someone who was so thin yet despite eating like a horse, but she just couldn't keep the weight on and she hated it. I think that was when I first realised that you don't have to be skinny to be happy and while being bigger you assume that thinner people are happier, its not necessarily the case.

Day 11

2007-03-18T12:42:00.000Z

For some mad reason, I woke up at 6.30am this morning. On a Sunday??? Never mind, it was at the time nice and sunny so I got up. Felt quite perky so made the most of it by whizzing round doing houseworky things. Its not so bad being up early though as hopefully I'll be tired later and sleep ok as I'm back on day's tomorrow.

Went to my parents to see my mum, with it being Mothers Day. Feeling bad as my parents had been away for a week and she'd got me some fudge from Hotel Chocolat as of course she has no idea that I'm on LL. They won't be wasted though as next month we're off up to London to stay with my best friend Mindy in her lovely new house, and I'm hoping Mindy likes fudge as much as chocolate (Mindy, as you'll read this, just think of the huge favour you'll be doing me!). My parents are going to Barbados in May to visit my aunt and uncle who live there and mum wanted some sarongs for the beach. I found a couple of really nice ones on Ebay and gave them to her today. Little does she know that I plan to make use of them one day.

Poppy Poopaloopa is feeling very fed up with herself as she's got even more swollen so in the morning I'll be phoning the vets. Poppy's usual vet, Alison, is on holiday now so we'll try and see Malcolm instead as he is very good and know's me and the doglets well. Am hoping that when I get to work new co-worker will be ok with me taking a half day at short notice, but I figure going in is better than not going in and just phoning. Anyway, they know me by now and that if I need to go to the vets, I'm not pissing about.

Very odd weather today, bright sunshine now with hailstones. Just looking out the window and there's a bird on the bird feeder. About blooming time!! It's been there all winter and I keep cleaning it out and refilling with fresh sunflower seeds yet the birds in my garden haven't been interested.

Day 9 & 10

2007-03-17T09:27:00.000Z

Hmm... most odd as I thought I had posted yesterday, but obviously not.

Anyway, I'm now on day 10 which has spurred me on somewhat as it means I am 10% through the initial 100 days. I know that realistically it will be longer than 100 days, but thats what Foundation starts with so it will do for now.

Good news is that my jeans feel looser and I can do my belt up a notch tighter. Bad news is that I've felt a bit rough the last few days, just tired, sore throat and grumpy. The grumpiness is nothing new, but hopefully the other things are just the changes my body is still getting used to.

Day 8, pt 2

2007-03-15T20:10:00.000Z

Hmmm... well today wasn't so easy as I had hoped. Sitting in an open plan office and seeing people walk past with their Starbucks lattes, breakfast baps and lunch etc did make me feel hungry. I took 2 foodpacks and a toffee bar to work and drank over 5 litres of water, but still the smells made me feel hungry. I suppose being at home, I can avoid having to come into contact with food, whereas at work I can't. I know I will have to face it, but in my mind I think I want to be further into the programme, in a 'no going back' kind of way.

Anyway, this is just a short update as I'm knackered and need to be up early again in the morning.

Thank you for all the lovely comments, my wonderful cyber-support network. I've been a bit slack in keeping you with you all today but promise I will do soon :o)

Day 8

2007-03-15T08:21:00.000Z

Back at work today on day shifts, so up early this morning. Surprised myself that I got up ok, despite going to bed later than I would normally have done before a day shift, so thats good.

Feeling great after last night. When I got dressed this morning I was pleased to find my work trousers weren't as snug as they have been in the past and my smart wool coat felt looser already. I guess that as I usually wear baggy clothes or jeans when I'm not working, to wear more fitted clothes is when I'll notice the changes.

I saw Katrina this morning (she did LL too) and she was really pleased for me. I had grilled her about LL for months and I think she's as relieved as me that I've started now. She looks great still and seems to be getting on fine with Management, so thats good to know.
I went downstairs just now and could smell the cooked breakfast in the cafe. My daiily routine at work used to involve a large Latte and a sausage or bacon bap for breakfast, so I'm feeling happy with myself for not being tempted at all.

Weekly Weigh-In

2007-03-14T22:39:00.000Z

Just a quick update as I'm working days tomorrow and have to be up at 5am, but went to session tonight and lost another 3lbs, so thats 11lbs total in first week. I'm pleased with myself!!

Day 7

2007-03-14T08:08:00.000Z

First week almost over!! Will be going to LL session tonight for first official weekly weigh in and hope I'm still on track after my 8lb loss on Sunday. I didn't feel any different at the weekend so guess not feeling any different today is no clue as to whether I've lost more or not. In theory I should have as I am in ketosis and sticking to the foodpacks and still averaging 5 litres of water each day.

Reading the comments (thanks Ladies!) its interesting to read that we often do see foods are treats, and it seems often the wrong type of foods. I think that by doing LL, my attitude towards food will change and I will learn to have more common sense about food - and actually think before I scoff!

Oddly enough, after being hungry most of yesterday, I struggled to have the last foodpack. Thats a first for me! I'm not really missing coffee anymore, which has surprised me in a good way.

I'm back to work tomorrow so will mostly be pottering around today doing housework etc that I don't have time to do when I come in from work.

Day 6, pt 2

2007-03-13T18:52:00.000Z

I am such a good girl :o) I had a foodpack at about 9am and then went out on the transport run just before 11am. Hadn't thought to take a foodpack so drove up to Reading to collect the dog and then down to Bristol to drop off at the next stage of the run and didn't eat a single thing. I got home at about 3.45pm and was absolutely starving!!! I had to wait for about half an hour at Reading and despite going into the services to use the loo, I walked past the food area and didn't give in. As I knew I would have a bit of a wait, I stopped to get a magazine and bought a couple of cheap books and the girl on the till asked if I wanted a huge bar of chocolate for 99p!!! I was good and said no, but having that huge bar of bubbly Aero waved around in front of me nearly made me want to scream.

When I got to Bristol, the meeting point was in the Asda carpark, just across the road from McDonalds. My willpower stayed with me, even when I went into Asda to use the loo and had to go through the cafe area to get to it. How stupid is that? Let people use the toilets but make them go past all the hot food and cakes and coffee and other evil things. I abstained, and carried on with my water for the way home. I did manage to drink 1.5 litres while I was on the road, so thats good.

It did make me think though, that its no wonder I'm such a lardarse. I do a transport run every few weeks I suppose, although sometimes have done more than one a week, but each time I would stop off and get a large takeaway Latte and if I got hungry, I'd stop at Burger King or McDonalds and get burger and fries and eat as I drove. Its almost like I thought I would reward myself for doing the good deed of a transport run with junk food. It never occurred to me to make sandwiches to take along, or cereal bars or even actually eat breakfast before I went out.

I wonder how many of us think of food as a treat or reward? Or even just the idea that a reason or an excuse justifies eating what we do? If I ever go shopping with my mum, we'll stop for coffee and she'll always get cake or whatever and say its 'her treat'. I know its her way of thanking me for taking her out but just a thank you is fine, isnt it? I don't need to be treated with food, but being the pig I am, I accept it.

Talking of my mum, she doesn't know still that I've started on LL. My parents are away this week but I'll see them on Sunday as its Mothers Day. I doubt she'll notice any difference in me yet anyway and when I get there I can just drink water, so thats ok. I know I will tell her when she does notice, but at the moment I worry that she will worry about me and think its dangerous or whatever typically paternal worrying thought processes mum's have. Part of me wants to tell my mum as I know she'll understand why I can't be this big anymore and I'm sure that if I asked her, she would say that she worries about me and my weight.

Anyway, before I get too deep and meaninful, I shall go and make up a foodpack and tick off another glass of water.

Day 6

2007-03-13T07:53:00.000Z

Well, nearly a week in and not doing too badly. I kept busy most of yesterday which seemed to help take my mind off any hunger pangs. I sorted out some of my clothes and washed and ironed shirts I used to wear to work but got a bit tight, so they are now ready for when I've shed a few more pounds. I don't have any clothes that are much smaller as I seem to have been this size or thereabouts for ages, but at least when I have trimmed down a bit there will be clothes ready to wear.

I made the most of the good weather so got out in the garden and mowed the lawn for the first time this year. Took the dogs up on the hill but wasn't the most energetic walks as Poppy didn't feel up to too much walking.

Off out today on a transport run but thankfully most of it is on the M4 so there will be plenty of motorway service stations for me to stop at should nature call.

I have to admit to feeling hungry a lot of the time. I'm not craving anything specific, just a sort of dull empty stomach feeling but if I was doing any other kind of diet, I would be feeling hungry being on reduced rations, so its no big deal. I'm looking forward to my first weekly weigh-in tomorrow night and hope I'm still on track!

Day 5

2007-03-12T09:12:00.000Z

Feeling really pleased still after last nights weigh-in and finding I had lost 8lb. I pee'd on the wee stick and I'm in ketosis, which is also great news. Apparently I must make sure I'm drinking enough water as the the pink bit was a dark pink which is heading towards dehydration, yet I'm drinking on average 5 litres a day.

Its weird as I've had times when I've felt hungry and my tummy has been rumbling, but I haven't had any thoughts of cheating or eating anything else at all. I suppose that I know that being on a diet means there are times when I'll be hungry and its been the same in the past. Once my stomach shrinks and gets used to not having much food, I'm sure it will settle down. I still keep feeling achey and cold, but again I am sure it will pass once my body is completely over the carbs withdrawal. I hope so, anyway!

This week we can have our bars to eat, which will be nice to have something to actually chew on. I had a go at making the chocolate muffin last night but it was vile. I think I'll stick to drinking it but maybe try it cold.

One thought that struck me was that although 8lb's in 4 days is a fantastic loss, I just don't feel any different. I guess it will be a while before I do, but I'm looking forward to when I feel like I've lost weight rather than just going by the scales.

Day 4, pt 2

2007-03-11T18:33:00.000Z

Just home from my pop-in session - I've lost 8lbs so far!!!

I'm happy.

Day 4

2007-03-11T08:57:00.000Z

Sunday morning and have my pop-in session later. Will be changing some of the foodpacks as I really don't like the caramel or vanilla flavours.

I went to bed at about 11.30 last night and didn't set the alarm, but woke up just after 7am. Can't stop yawning now! Feel a bit groggy, that sort of dull hungover feeling, but have taken some ibuprofen so hoping it will pass soon. I just keep telling myself that it will be worth it in the long run and if I can get through this, then it will make me a stronger person.

In a way its odd as I knew it wasn't going to be easy, giving up food, and I knew of some of the side effects, but its the constant groggy feeling that I hadn't expected. I'm sure TOTM can't be helping so maybe in some ways its better to start off feeling rough and then start feeling better in a few days? I'm hoping so!

Will find out later if I'm in ketosis, so fingers crossed, I will be and it will spur me on.

Day 3

2007-03-10T18:42:00.000Z

Not much to report today really. Came home and slept for a few hours. Felt a bit light headed when I got up and had a hot chocolate. Have had a headache for most of the day.

Was cheered up slightly by it being a lovely sunny day here so took the dogs up to the hill for a little pootle about. Since swelling up again, Poppy is slowing down but I think she enjoyed being out, despite the narky look on her face in the pic!

My two 'adopted' baby brothers came round earlier. They've done me the favour of taking away my two unopened bottles of Ribena (I luuuurve Ribena!) and were interested as to how I was doing. I saw them before my first session last week so they're keen to keep up with my progress.

I was feeling quite icky earlier, all sort of shivvery and achey so I went and had a soak in a hot bath and felt a lot better after. I'm still drinking plenty of water and have had all 4 foodpacks for today so couldn't understand why I felt so cack, but then realised it was TOTM so I'm going to use that as an excuse rather than the diet.

I've got the fire on, have myself snuggled up in pj's and fluffy socks and will now cuddle up on the sofa with Poppy and watch a DVD.

Day 2, pt 3

2007-03-09T23:42:00.000Z

I'm just having my last foodpack of the day (mushroom) and it's definitely better after having brought my blender in. I've drank 5 litres of water today, which I am pleased with and its not actually been a struggle.

Poppy got on rather well at the vets. She's been going once a week since the beginning of the year and although she has got more swollen again, Alison (vet) is happy that she is brighter in herself and eating dog food again. She's happy that Poppy is having short walks each day, so thats good. Alison is away for a couple of weeks so we're to go back in 3 weeks time. That in itself is great news as it means that she's not so worried about her. When we go back Alison sid she'd decide whether to try another drain and see if anymore of the fluid can be removed.

So far work has been a bit chaotic but its calming down now. I'm hoping not to feel so rough again overnight, but at least its the last shift tonight and when I finish at 7am, I'm out of here until Thursday.

Day 2, pt2

2007-03-09T16:13:00.000Z

Ok, so I came home from work but felt more tired than hungry so went straight to bed. Slept ok - only got up twice for a wee. Since getting up this afternoon I've already drunk nearly a litre of water and just had a hot chocolate.

Feeling pleased with myself as when I went to Tesco last night I walked past the bread section and could smell hot cross buns and they smelt lovely!! I'm surprising myself with my willpower at not eating anything apart from the foodpacks. I know its only day 2 and I know I have a long way to go, but I'm going to concentrate on feeling pleased with myself as I figure positive thoughts are better than wasting time on thinking about what I am missing.

The vanilla shake last night, well 3am this morning, was cack. Didn't like it at all! Will take them back and swap them on Sunday.

I'm going to be taking my electric blender to work as it definitely makes the drinks up better. I'm also going to wear warmer clothes as I really felt cold all night.

Taking Poppy to the vets tonight for her heart checkup so had better stop faffing about now!

Day 2

2007-03-09T00:42:00.000Z

Well its only just day 2, but it counts to me!

I'm feeling a little better now. I think some of how I was feeling earlier is down to the shifts and not having slept much before coming to work. I had a raspberry foodpack at about 11.30pm and it was nice, although I couldn't get the lumps to dissolve even with the whisk. Will try at home with my proper blender. My headache is back, but apart from feeling tired, I'm ok.

I went to the 24hr Tesco just now to stock up. I am paranoid about bad breath, especially as I smoke, I got a couple of bottles of breath freshner. I've been reading a lot about saggy skin so I invested in some skin firming lotion. Whether it works is of course another matter, but it can't hurt to buy things for 'me' if you know what I mean.

Day 1, pt3

2007-03-08T20:37:00.000Z

At work now and have not long had a mushroom soup. It tasted ok. I'm feeling the effects of not having caffiene or carbs as I'm achey, feeling cold and feeling tired, despite sleeping for an hour this afternoon. I suppose this is the reality bit kicking in. I've gone past 4 litres of water but the wee'ing has slowed a little as I can go a whole half hour without needing to wee!

I'm not sure that being on night shifts for my first few days was such a good idea, but at least its only tonight and tomorrow and then I'm off until Thursday.

I think I'll go and read some blogs and focus on getting through the next few days.

Day 1,pt2

2007-03-08T16:27:00.000Z

I'm a bit shocked really that I'm doing ok. I've drunk 3.5 litres of water already and have had two foodpacks. As I'm working nights tonight, I went to bed for a couple of hours earlier. Have since got up, walked dogs and hoovered. Feel a bit peckish now, but not hungry enough to have a foodpack. Will take some to work to have one when I get there and then another later.

I've been going to the loo non-stop, but I'm hoping that will settle down. I think I'm not doing too badly with the water as I would usually drink lots of coffee. I did try it black but I'm not keen on it.

I'm looking forward to Sunday and finding out whether I've got to Ketosis yet.

Day 1

2007-03-08T08:15:00.000Z

Woke up early today, which is a shame as I wanted to sleep in and conserve some energy as I am on nights tonight.

Tried a black coffee but really don't like it so had a large glass of water instead. Couldn't decide which foodpack to have but after much dithering went for the chocolate. Used my whizzy new hand blender and made it into a tall drink in my Latte mug. Although it didn't taste very chocolatey it wasn't too bad. Have drunk it all and another glass of water. I predict many visits to the loo today!

It's strange though, as I feel quite full up, yet have only had one hot chocolate and 2 glasses of water.

Here we go then

2007-03-07T22:34:00.000Z

First session was good. Only 5 of us in the group so far but everyone seems really nice. I got weighed, measured and photographed, so as this is the last day I will be this size, here's my stats:

Weight - 18st 0.5 lb
Height - 5ft 4.5 inches
Chest - 47 inches
Wasit - 45 inches
Hips - 56 inches

Seems awful written down, but I'm not going to dwell on it. The journey starts here!

This is it

2007-03-07T17:23:00.000Z

This is the last time I am going to be this size. I don't know where these thoughts come from, but it dawned on my just now. When I get weighed tonight, its going to be awful, but, I know that I will do this. I will succeed and from here on I'm going to change.

I'm going to call in on some friends who live near where the LL meeting is and see them first, then go on to the meeting. I'm in such an insanely positive mood today, I'm on the verge of scaring myself! Poppy has eaten proper dog food today without having to have chicken or gravy in it to tempt her, we've had a lovely walk on the top of the hill and I phoned work to speak to Katrina to find out that I passed an important exam that I took a few weeks ago.

I asked Katrina's advice for eating the foodpacks when working the shifts and she said to count from midnight to midnight as each day so take a pack to have for breakfast in the early hours of the next morning. Thats easy enough!

I can and WILL do this! My friends believe in me, so I just need to believe in myself....

Deliberating

2007-03-07T14:41:00.000Z

I've had a clear out of the kitchen cupboards and have thrown a load of stuff out. I've only had 2 coffee's today, partly as I'm nearly out of milk and partly to get in the habit of drinking water rather than coffee all the time.

I'm trying to decide what to do tomorrow. I'm working tomorrow night, so thats a 12 hour shift. I can't decide when is going to be the best time to have my foodpacks as I don't want to get hungry in the night, but then need to make sure I have the required amount. I'm on nights Friday too, so I guess in theory I could have Friday's breakfast drink during the latter part of tomorrow nights shift.

I might give Katrina at work a call in a bit and ask her.

Wednesday at last!

2007-03-07T08:49:00.000Z

So, its finally Wednesday, the day of my first LL session. Technically, I suppose I'm not actually starting until tomorrow on the food packs, but the journey starts tonight. From reading other blogs, I get the feeling that apart from being weighed I will also get measured. This is not something I am looking forward to, having to see how fat I really am, but I suppose its all part of the process.

I was thinking that I'd have a last moment of naughtyness and stop off at the chip shop on the way home, but then I thought, nope, thats a bad idea. The glycogens that I'd get from the food would be with me once I've started on the foodpacks, so I figure it will be best not to pig out!

Its a lovely sunny day here in Wiltshire so I'm hoping its a sign that today marks the start of brighter times ahead for me.

Reasons why

2007-03-06T20:56:00.000Z

Well this time tomorrow I will be in my first LL session. Needless to say, I've been thinking about little else! I thought I would concentrate this post on why I want to lose this weight so badly, so here's some of my Reasons Why:

I want to be healthy
I want to be able to walk and talk at the same time
I don't want to die younger than I should
I want to be happy with myself
I want to be able to shop for clothes wherever I like
I don't want to be the fattest person when I'm with a group of people
I want to have more energy
I want to enjoy my life rather than hide myself away
I don't want to be held back anymore
I want to be confident

There's probably loads that I've forgotten, now that I've sat down and tried to list them.

Waiting....

2007-03-06T08:57:00.000Z

Since last week I've been counting down the days, but today it feels strange yet exciting to think that it's tomorrow that I start this journey. I'm trying to avoid calling it a diet, as really, its not, is it? I'm going to be eating foodpacks rather than specific things or weighed out calorie counted foods. I'm thinking I will enjoy not having so much washing up!

There's not going to be any cheating. When I did WW it was easy enough to cheat - save up points and blow them all on crap food. I've been reading on Minimins that some people are struggling to eat all their foodpacks, so I'm hoping I manage them, plus the water. I have to. I honestly can't see any other way I am going to lose this weight.

2 days to go....

2007-03-05T19:01:00.000Z

Came home from work this morning and slept for a few hours. Had a coffee after I'd sorted the dogs out and thought that when I next come home from work in the morning, I'll be having a LL drink instead. I do seem to be completely obsessed with LL and I've not even started it yet!

I was bored in the early hours last night so surfed the net and found the http://www.minimins.com weight loss forum. Looks like a really friendly place with lots of like minded people. The information in the LL area is really good and helping me realise what to expect as I go through the programme. I think I'm going to find the site another form of support, and lets face it, I'm going to need all the support I can get!

We had a very wet and windy walk this afternoon as I took the dogs up to the hill. Bumpy ran around like a mad thing and Poppy managed to potter about. It's great to see her perkier as she has been so poorly. Had to stop at the vets and get some more of her tablets so called in to the supermarket round the corner and bought Pops a whole roast chicken. God, its smelt good!! As she's not eating properly, Pops has chicken most days so I am really hoping that the smell of roasted chicken doesn't make me want to eat it.

I'm thinking that tomorrow I might sort out some of my clothes. My wardrobe is packed full of stuff that doesnt fit and to be honest, there's not much I actually like. I think it would be good to have a clear out.

Ooops

2007-03-04T23:19:00.001Z

Just realised anyone who's reading this and doesnt know me won't have a clue who Bumpy is! BumpyJake is my 11 year old blind, one eye'd Black Labrador. I've had him nearly 2 years and he is my comedy dog - he makes me laugh each day and I love him to bits.

I also have Poppy, who is my little Choccie Lab angel. She's nearly 10 and was a brood bitch until she was rescued at 7 years old. She's sadly very poorly with heart disease but we're bumbling along.

This photo of them makes me giggle - we were walking on the Malrborough Downs and Poppy was most unimpressed with the wind in her ears.

Life in limbo...

2007-03-04T23:19:00.000Z

Feel a bit like I'm in limbo now while I wait for Wednesday, although I suppose I won't actually be starting LL properly until Thursday. It's been a crappy day with the weather today so apart from getting drenched walking Bumpy, I've not done a lot. Haven't eaten much either and have a nice chicken pasta salad for my dinner tonight.

I'm at work tonight, on a 12 hour shift which finishes at 7am. I was due to be on nights Wednesday but managed to get a swap so I could go to join my LL group.

Strange thing with all this LL stuff is that I've told friends and online friends on the dog rescue forum I frequent, but I've not actually told my mum yet. I know that if I were to ask her whether she worries about my weight, she would tell me she does, so I know she would be supportive. Maybe I'm not saying anything as every other time I've started a diet I've told her but then failed?

I have been searching for other LL blogs and have found a couple that are really encouraging. It's really good to read other people's experiences and see how well they are doing with not only losing weight but also the changes that occur as part of the programme. I have read so much LL stuff lately I hope I'm as prepared as I can be, but I guess in a few days I'll find out!

Lesley, thank you so much for your lovely comment! I'm getting a bit addicted to your blog, I have to say *lol*. Will pop over and catch up :o)

4 days to go

2007-03-03T20:54:00.000Z

Not much to report today. Went to Bristol to see a friend and had a couple of coffee's but then stopped on the way home at McDonalds. Did a bit of shopping in Sainsburys and got bacon to have a buttie for breakfast tomorrow. Feels odd, but in a good way, to think that all these things I like I will not eat again for months.

I bought some sweetners to have with coffee instead of sugar. I'm not keen on black coffee but I'll give it a go although I suspect I'll end up drinking water when I would normally have had coffee.

My bestest friend Mindy has given me a rather wonderful incentive - when I've got down to a size 14 she is going to buy me a Radley bag of my choice. I love my Radley things - I have one bag, one umbrella, a mobile phone holder, 2 purses and a mirror in a case. When I was in Bath yesterday I was looking at the Radley bags in House of Fraser and there are some lovely new ones. I'm not sure how much weight I will need to lose to get to a size 14, but I'm guessing its going to be autumn time, so perfect for the new season Radley bags. Its a very generous and lovely thing for her to do and not only am I looking forward to being the size I want to be, but I'll have a fab new Radley hanging off my arm!

While I was in the car earlier I drank a half litre bottle of water. My friend San who is doing so brilliantly well on LL said she usually drinks a litre of water on the way to and from work. I'm thinking thats a good plan and will have a bottle ready for when I'm in the car.

I just want to get to Wednesday now and get started. I have this overwhelming feeling that my life will change once I'm no longer fat. I hope I'm right...

Getting prepared

2007-03-02T20:02:00.000Z

Sarah and I had a fab day today. I had what is probably my last Starbucks latte for several months (I'm a bit of a Starbucks addict). We did some shopping and I now have a lovely, shiney new electric hand blender so I can mix my soups and shakes properly and not have any nasty lumps. I also got 2 little electric whisks, small enough to keep one in my bag so if I'm out somewhere and need to mix a foodpack I can, and the other one will stay in my drawer at work.

I had a lovely long chat on the phone with my best friend Mindy just now and its so encouraging that she is supporting me completely. We've only known each other about 3 years but she said that in that time she's noticed my weight gain. She was too polite to tell me, bless her! Mindy is like my guardian angel and looks out for me all the time. Our common love is our dogs, all Labradors - we have 2 each. We're going on holiday in October and I'm excited to think that I will be thinner and have so much more energy to go out and about and do stuff. Even walking and talking will be great!

One of the main concepts of LL is the counselling sessions and support, but having good friends who will support me day to day is going to be invaluable. Sarah is thinking of doing LL herself and I hope she does. Maybe if I get off to a good start it will motivate her, and it was strange saying goodbye to her this evening knowing that when I see her next I will have lost weight.

I only see Mindy every couple of months as she lives in London, but as I probably won't see her until the end of April, by then I would have done about 6 weeks of LL, so I might have lost a stone and a half by then (LL average loss is a stone a month). Not sure it will show, but hopefully it will.

I've got a start date!!

2007-03-02T09:10:00.000Z

Had an email back from Debbie yesterday evening with my start date - Wednesday 7th March! Eeeek!!!

So, as last night I had my last Chinese takeaway for a long time, I made the most of it and ate load. It was lovely though, and Sarah and I had a great evening catching up. Since Sarah moved up to Derby, I don't see her nearly as much so it was good to spend an evening nattering. We're off to Bath today to do some shopping and have lunch - I'm making the most of eating real food while I still can!

Part of me is terrified of starting LL in case I struggle with the foodpacks rather than real food, but the other part of me is thinking that by the end of this year, I could have lost the weight that has been getting me down so much for so many years.

Its not going to be easy, I know, but I've got to focus on the goal and I keep telling myself that its only several months out of my life. I'm 35 now, have been overweight for probably about 15 years, so whats a few months?

Last takeaway?

2007-03-01T18:27:00.000Z

Well, in theory!! My good friend Sarah is coming down from Derby and staying tonight so we're having a Chinese takeaway. Chinese food is my favourite and I'm sure I'm going to miss it once I start LL, so I'm going to make the most of it tonight. And a glass or two of wine.

I've taken my medical form to Debbie, the counsellor, but she was out so I've left a voicemail. And emailed her! Its so strange that I am excited about not eating for months, but I'm so positive that this is the way forward for me, I just want to get started as soon as I can. I've been overweight for longer than I can remember and so much in my life seems to be affected by it. Lack of confidence, self loathing, sadness are just a few of the issues I have with myself.

Today is a good day so I'm not going to get myself down by thinking too much.

Happy today!

2007-03-01T09:21:00.000Z

I've just been to see the practice nurse for my medical check. She was really, really lovely and fully supportive of me doing LL. She'd not heard of it but agreed that for some people who have a lot of weight to lose, we need something extreme to get the weight shifted.

I gave her the info booklet that Debbie gave me on Sunday which she's going to keep. She said she might even be interested in doing LL herself!!

The lovely thing was that when she said which days she was in so I could see her when I go for my regular blood pressure checks, she said she would do all she could to add to the support I was getting.

Still in training

2007-02-28T17:17:00.000Z

I'm still 'in training' for drinking lots of water and have managed 5 x 1/2 litre glasses today. I think I've had to go and wee about every 20 minutes though.

Off to see the nurse tomorrow morning for my medical check and then all being well, I can drop the form off to Debbie in the afternoon and will just have to wait for a start date.

I have to confess that in readiness for LL I have been eating a lot. No, thats not true, I've been stuffing my face! Ooops......

Water, water and more water

2007-02-27T20:03:00.000Z

As part of the LL programme, I will have to drink at least 4 litres of water per day. The idea is, I think, that the water flushes out the body which helps the weight loss.

So, to get myself used to drinking so much, today at work I drank about 2 litres of water. I couldn't stop peeing!!! I think I'll have to get used to it, but I intend to stick to the programme as the results will be worth it in the long run.

Getting ready to start...

2007-02-27T11:05:00.000Z

Ok, so first post in my new blog which will hopefully be the start of my journey for a new, lighter life. I went to meet the counsellor at the weekend, Debbie, and she's really nice. She measured my height and my weight and quite frankly, I was shocked. I was a good couple of stones heavier than I thought I was, although I can't remember the last time I did step on the scales.

After seeing the fantastic results a couple of my friends had on the Lighter Life programme, I decided I would give it a go. San has lost over 4.5st and Katrina over 3st, yet they look fantastic and the weight loss has been in proportion to their bodies.

Lighter Life is a Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD) and its extreme, but from what I've read, the real support comes from the group counselling sessions.

I have to get a medical check done by my doctor, but once the form is signed off and back with Debbie, I can join a group starting in the next few weeks.

I am determined to lose weight and I will track my progress and no doubt the lows as well as the highs on this journal....