Saturday 31 March 2007

Day 24

Another quiet day. Came home from work in the morning but had to go to the vets to collect more tablets for Poppy so had to wait until they opened at 9am. Went to bed at about 9.30 and didn't bother setting the alarm, just thought I'd sleep until I woke up but didn't get up until nearly 4pm. Will no doubt not want to sleep later.

Feeling a bit fed up today. I'm trying to stay positive that this is nearly one quarter of the way through the first 100 days, but I'm just missing food. Period is due so thats probably not helping but I keep thinking of nice things I would have had, even though I know they are what made me fat. I have just made a hot chocolate and doubled up as I'd only had 2 foodpacks so far, but couldn't help thinking I would much rather have had a Chinese takeaway! Must keep on reminding myself that in a few months I can and being slimmer is better for me now than having the food I want.

It's turned out really windy here this afternoon so we had a rather blustery walk on the hill. Was nice though, to get some fresh air and the dogs enjoyed it.

Had to just come back and edit as I remembered some nice news. Poppy came runner up in a Valentines competition for the Oldies Club which is a charity that helps rehome more mature dogs. She gets a lovely new tag and her choice of biscuits from http://www.dixiedog.co.uk/products.html. They make fab homemade dog bisctuis with all natural ingredients.

Friday 30 March 2007

Day 23

Nearly a quarter of the way through the first 100 days! Feels like its trundling along quite nicely.

Working again tonight, so have been sleeping in the day. Well, apart from getting up to wee. Co-worker Tim is eating soup and it smells very nice, along with his crusty bread. He bought in a french stick which I sniffed a few times earlier. I miss bread. I'm having a raspberry drink and will banish all bread related thoughts from my mind.

Rather than think constantly about this diet I've been trying to concentrate on other things, as in changes I've noticed so far. My belt is now done up 3 notches tighter. My jeans are looser. I can wrap my bath towel further round me and the same with my dressing gown. Apart from when I'm working nights, I have more energy. I wake up easier in the morning. I feel more positive. I'm actually looking forward to the summer!



Thursday 29 March 2007

Day 22

Not much to report today really, seeing as I've been asleep during the day. Well, apart from getting up as I needed the loo.

I had a raspberry shake in the morning while I was still at work and had another foodpack when I got here at about 7pm so to make sure I have all 4 I'm doubling up a hot chocolate. Haven't felt like having a soup so can see myself ending up having just 2 flavours each day. Never mind.

Poppy is plodding along still although I think she's getting a little swollen again. Will have to keep a close eye on her in case I need to bring forward the drain, but in herself she's still happy and waggy. She's so pleased to see me when I get home its just lovely. I've been giving her each lot of tablets wrapped in a slice of thin ham as I often struggle to get them down her (she has 5 tablets in the morning, 2 at lunchtime and another 4 in the evening) but as soon as I get the ham out of the fridge she's in the doorway, eyes lit up and so excited. I'm resisting the urge to eat the ham but did lick a slice last week, just to remind myself what it tasted like!

In June there is a works thing on in central London at a really posh venue where we'll be having a garden party. Tim said I'll have to find a posh frock if I go. To be honest, posh frock shopping is rather alien to me so I have no idea whether I will go, but its on the 15th and the end of my 100 days of Foundation is the 30th, so in theory I could be a lot slimmer. It's weird as the idea of going out to buy a dress almost terrifies me - I've never been a very girly girl and I'm usually in jeans and baggy tops or jumpers. Maybe as I get further through this it will seem less scary and I might get a little excited about dressing like a girl for a change, who knows.





Wednesday 28 March 2007

Day 21 - pt 2 & The Weekly Weigh-In

Another 3lbs since Sunday, so thats a grand total of 21 lbs lost so far, in 21 days!!!!! To say I am very pleased is an understatement.

I can do my belt up by another notch, which is also rather fab as at least I am noticing changes in my body rather than just the numbers on the scales. Have been naughty today though and only had one foodpack before the group session. Didn't really help that after doing my domestic bits and bobs I went back to bed for a few hours and then didn't want a foodpack when I got up. Since getting to work this evening I've had a soup and will have a hot chocolate before midnight and then have to start a new day after 12. Think I should be ok but I've just not felt hungry, although at least from tomorrow I will have a bit more routine to my day. Starting nights always messes things up.

Group session was good, although I giggled my way through most of it. Hayley, who I was sat next to, makes me laugh constantly and at one point I was literally crying I was laughing so much. It's a nice group of people though and as the weeks go on we are all getting more comfortable discussing things, which is great. We talked about meeting for a coffee next week before the group so will try and remember that.

Before I sign off for tonight, I'll just wish Sarah aka Angelica Maybe a good first LL session tomorrow (GOOOD LUCK!!!) and say hello to Mark *waving*

Will catch up with everyone else but as always, thank you for all the supportive comments - you are all very lovely.

Day 21

Blimey, 3 weeks gone already!! Not much to report so far today as I've not been up that long. On nights tonight so tried to sleep in a bit but for some strange reason, I was still up earlyish. Will try and sleep later.

Been playing around with the blog layout this morning and have added a few links. Don't know why I didn't think of doing that before!! Anyway, have added The Refuge which is a great rescue-related forum, my good friend Sarah's rescue site (she runs the Bengal Cat Rescue) and the Dogstar Foundation which supports a vet in Sri Lanka to neuter, flea treat and vaccinate stray dogs that live around the temples. Sam, who runs the Foundation, went to Sri Lanka last year to work with the Millenium Elephant Foundation and decided to do all she could to help the stray dogs that are often cared for by monks but they don't have the funds for basic veterinary care. I've also added LRSE&C which is where my dim, blind Bumpy came from as they are a fab Labrador Rescue who I volunteer for, and Mindy is one of the area co-ordinators.

Not much planned for today, just some housework and then try and get a couple of hours sleep this afternoon. Will be back later with an update after the weekly weigh-in.

Tuesday 27 March 2007

Day 20

Well its been a busy day today. Haven't even had time to think about LL really, which is good I suppose. Took Pops to the vets this morning for her checkup. Not brilliant news but she's got to have another fluid drain in 2 weeks although the vet warned me that as she has more drains done, they will not be able to take so much fluid. The right side of her heart is pretty much knackered so its just going to be waiting until her heart gives up completely. In herself though, she's still happy and waggy and eating well.

After we got back, I had my usual breakfast of a hot raspberry shake. I've never actually tried it cold but like it hot, which is possibly a bit odd. Once I'd had that I decided that as it was such a lovely sunny day, I'd go to the garden centre for a few things. There's a lovely one near me at Lacock and as I was looking for a rose, I went there as they have a good selection.

Last year for my birthday my dad made me a pergola for the patio and I have a yellow Clematis which grows up one side so I thought I would find a nice yellow climbing rose to grow up the other side. I found one called Arthur Bell which was just what I wanted and it will have strongly scented flowers apparently. I got a couple of lovely glazed blue pots for the rose and to move the clematis into. Also bought some perennials - Pinks, Lupins, Red Hot Poker and some flower seeds and spent most of the afternoon out in the garden planting everything up. Just got to wait for it all to grow now!

I suppose that being busy, I didn't feel hungry and wasn't thinking about food. I know I didn't have enough water but will try and make up for it this evening. I didn't have my second foodpack of the day until about 6pm so will double up 2 chocolate's and them have later. I avoided going anywhere near the cafe at the garden centre as I still don't feel ready to be near food yet - that it always smells lovely in there I'm not sure I trusted myself!

I phoned Katrina at work last night and had a lovely chat with her. She's done with LL now and eating normal food again but she said she is very much aware of what she's eating. I was trying to remember when it was she started, but I think its about 6 months now so to think that in that time she has lost the weight she wanted to and is back on proper food is very inspiring.

Weigh-in night tomorrow, which I'm looking forward to. I'll try and remember to read my Foundation book tomorrow, in between sleeping as I'm on nights from tomorrow. I don't think I could manage this without the weekly session as I am still really missing food. Nothing specific, just real food. I expect its quite normal and I will just keep on reminding myself that I've done nearly 3 weeks of this already, so if I can do 3 weeks, whats a few more?

Monday 26 March 2007

Day 19

A good day today. Weather has been great so I've been out in the garden, tidying and painting the fences. The whizzy paint sprayer has to be the best thing I've bought in ages, its lovely and quick.

Poppy is still perky, which is great, and we had a fab walk up on the hill again today. I love it that we never see anyone else and can potter about as we please and the view is fantastic too.

Spoke to my mum again today and she's still very interested and really pleased for me after my weigh-in yesterday. Thanks ladies for the suggestions of CD - I mentioned it to her and she's going to see how I get on and maybe think about doing it later in the year.

Only had a short chat with Mindy today as she's not got her home phone connected yet in the new house and the mobile reception is, at best, dodgy. Strange for central London, but there we go. The new house sounds wonderful and I can't wait for when we visit next month. She's had so much stress and hassle over the last few months that I'm so pleased she's finally in and it's everything she dreamed it would be.

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of days about the conversation I had with my mum on Saturday and about my weight holding me back. It has, and it does, and I know it. I think thats probably what makes me feel sad about being overweight; how my perception of myself has affected me. Or rather, how I have let it affect me. Way back in my pre-fat days I used to go horse riding regularly, go ice skating, go clubbing etc and I loved all those things. I can't really remember the last time I did any of them. At work, there's often nights out but even if I'm not working I very rarely go. I just hate the feeling that I'll be the 'token fat-bird' and look stupid. I know that most of how I feel is probably stupid and purely down to my lack of self confidence, but I suppose I just got used to wanting to blend in and not stand out. Anyway, I'm going to try not to think about it too much and concentrate on looking forward. To being able to do what I want, whether its ride a horse, go out or whatever. Onwards and upwards!

Sunday 25 March 2007

Day 18, pt 2

I went to the pop-in session earlier and got weighed - I've lost another 4lbs, YIPPEEEE!!! So thats 18lbs in 18 days. I'm over the moon with that.

Actually, it was quite nice as the LLC only had one other person call in and she was leaving when I got there so we had the chance to chat a bit. We talked about once I get on the Management and in some ways its a bit scary to think that in however many months I'm going to be let loose with real food again. Obviously I don't want to go back to eating the same kind of crap that got me where I am now, so it was reassuing to know that there will be menu idea's and food plans to help.

I was saying that I had been thinking a lot about the group session and how our parents affect our eating habits and that a lot of the veg I hate is probably due to being fed soggy, overcooked stuff as a child. I'm not blaming my parents, but I suppose 25 years ago there wasn't so much choice in food, nor the variety in cooking methods. So, thinking ahead, I've decided I'm going to invest in a steamer when I get closer to Management. Before starting LL I went for dinner with the Two Allans and they'd cooked the veg in a steamer and I was surprised how good it tasted! I'm not expecting to change my intense hatred of pea's, but other green food could be ok.

Day 18

My mum rang me this morning for a chat. She's being so supportive of me doing LL, its great although makes me feel a little daft for not telling her at the beginning. She was surprised that I don't always feel hungry enought to eat all the foodpacks, considering how much I used to be able to eat, and said I must make sure I have all 4 each day to get my vitamins and minerals etc.

There's a pop-in session this evening. Think I might go along, just to have an interim weigh-in and check I'm still in ketosis, especially as I've not had so much water the past couple of days.

Saturday 24 March 2007

Day 17

Went and saw my mum today. I told her all about LL and to start with, as expected, she was worried as she thought 500cals a day isn't enough, but once I had explained about the programme, the counselling, the regular check-ups at the doctor she was a lot happier. She said she was pleased for me as she's always felt my being overweight has held me back a bit in life. I know she will be wanting to know how I get on and its good to know she's supportive. She even said she thought I was brave cutting food out completely, bless her.

Otherwise, a quiet Saturday. Took my car to the garage to get it booked in for a service the week after next. Haven't had it done for ages so it will be in there for a few hours, plus new timing belt which according the the big book of timing belts will take about 3 hours! So, have booked a loan car and as the garage is close to my parents, my mum and I are going to go to the outlet village.

Something I am looking forward to is shopping at the outlet village once I've lost weight. Whenever I've been there, I've never bought anything to wear apart from a few tops in Gap, so it will be great to get some bargains once I take a smaller size. Mum could relate to that as she's gained weight herself over the years. Although she's taller than me at 5' 7" (I inherited the short genes from my dad) she still wants to lose weight. We looked at the LL website while I was with my mum but there's not a counsellor near to her unfortunately. My dad works shifts and mum doesn't drive anymore so she would be reliant on him to take her, but I said maybe look again in a few months and see whether there are any new counsellors or wait until my dad cuts down his hours and they can be more flexible on days etc.

I was going to pain the fence but its a bit blowy here today so I've postponed. I got one of those whizzy sprayer things and as much as I'd like to play about with it, its too windy. I shall do houseworky things instead and maybe cuddle up on the sofa with Pops and read my book. I like days like today when I can do what I want!

Friday 23 March 2007

Day 16




Friday already! Poppy seems to be feeling much better, which is brilliant. She's more lively, has her appetite back and has been out on the hill for some walks. We did a homecheck today so she came out for the ride in the car although Bumpy was homechecking assistant today. It's his 2nd Gotcha Day - can't believe its a whole 2 years he has been here. He is oblivious of course as his whole world revolves around food, sleep, walks, cuddles and chewing a Nylabone when the mood takes him.
So, back to dieting matters. I sleem to have slowed down on the water intake, which is not good and I need to step it up. I've also found I've not felt hungry enough to eat all the foodpacks but I'm forcing myself as I know I need the intake of vitamins and minerals. Weird though, to think that a few weeks ago I could quite happily stuff my face full of all sorts of crap!.
I've decided that I'm going to tell my mum about LL tomorrow. I love my mum to bits and we have a very good relationship, but for some reason I never tell her some things that are really important or private. I suppose deep down I've not told her yet as I worry that she will think its dangerous or I will fail and let myself down. I'm sure she know's that I am unhappy as I am but she doesn't want to add to my despair by talking about it. I want my mum to be happy for me that I'm taking control of this part of my life which makes me so unhappy. I don't think she truly know's how unhappy being overweight makes me, as its never something I have talked about.
I don't really know why I decided now that I would tell my mum, maybe its because I feel that now I'm in my third week and have started off so well, its almost like I needed to convince myself that I could do this before I told her. Now I really do feel I am going to succeed. I think that when I started I wanted to succeed but 100 days or more seemed like a long way to go, but now I am used to not eating, and of course havfing lost a stone so far, its finally sunk in that I can do this.

Thursday 22 March 2007

Day 15

Thank you all for the lovely messages, especially wishing Poppy well - its very kind of you to think of us.

Poppy is doing well today after yesterdays trip to the vets. When we got there she had to be weighed and her usual weight is between 29kg and 30kg. She weighed in at 37kg which is al the fluid she was carrying. The vet rang me before I could pick her up and said he'd managed to drain over 4 litres which was really good as the last time, a month ago, it was only 1 litres. He said that for her to be roughly 8kg's overweight, it would be all the fluid. Its more than likely that she will fill up again and I need to watch for side effects like swollen feet, but we've got an appointment for Tuesday for her to have a checkup.

When I picked her up at lunchtime, she looked so much different already and was much livelier in herself. She's always pleased to see me but this time she had a spring in her step and was wagging her tail non stop. I'm sure she must have felt better not having those four litres to carry around!

I know that being realistic she isn't going to get any better and we can only try and keep her going, but I'm hoping that when she does fill up again she can have regular drains to ease the fluid and we can maybe have a few more months. She got stuck in Bumpy's bed the other day and I had to tip her out so I found a huge new bed for her online yesterday and its being delivered today, so hopefully she will feel more comfortable knowing she can't get stuck if she has a roll around.

Ok, so back to this diet. As I was out to the vets and with Bumpy yesterday morning I didn't have my first foodpack until nearly 1pm, although I didn't really feel hungry. I did actually struggle to have all 4 and ended up taking one of the bars to have in the meeting and then a chocolate when I got home. I was glad that I had planned my packs for the coming week as it made it much easier to fill in my order form knowing that I would have a bit more variety.

Our LLC said that our group was now closed as we had had a few new ladies join over the last couple of weeks. The new ladies seem nice although there's a couple that I've not really spoken to. After reading about the fitness instructor in the DVD on Minimins, I giggled most of the way through that bit of the DVD we watched last night. I'm such a grown up sometimes. Not.

I still don't feel much different after losing one stone, but I did find yesterday that I could get my jeans off without undoing them - useful, huh?! While we were sitting there last night I was fiddling with my hands and twisting my ring, which had always been tight, and it just slipped off! A pleasant surprise but I'd never thought my hands were fat so I think I'd rather be losing fat elsewhere.

Wednesday 21 March 2007

Day 14 & Weekly Weigh-In

Back from tonights session and lost another 3lbs, so thats one whole stone in a fortnight, which I am really pleased with.

Poppy had her drain done today and they got out 4 litres!! She looks so different which is great. Will update properly tomorrow, but thank you for thinking of her.

Tuesday 20 March 2007

Day 13

I'm afraid most of today's entry is about Poppy, rather than this diet.

Poppy's been to the vets this morning as she has got very swollen again over the last week. Sadly, its not very good news. According to Malcolm, the vet, she is "on the highest dose of everything she can have" but all the meds still aren't helping her. Although we usually see another vet, Alison, Malcolm was ther when Poppy had the drain done before so had seen how she was then. Malcolm said that if he's being honest, he's surprised she's lasted this long and that although he is happy to do the drain, being realistic its putting off the inevitable. I've told Malcolm that I want everything possible done for Pops. She deserves more time than this so if it helps this time, he has agreed that we can look at draining the fluid every 3 weeks or so. There is the worry that the drain will take away protein that Pops needs and that her abdomen will just fill up again, but last time was a month ago and she did perk up for a couple of weeks, so I'm hoping against hope that we can keep her going a bit longer this way.

In herself, Pops is still bright and still waggy and happy around me. She can't manage the stairs on her own and she's leaking more, but while her eyes are still bright and her tail is wagging, I'm not giving up on her yet So, tomorrow morning I've got to take her in to be drained and then phone at lunchtime.

I know that Poppy, being a rescue and not having had a good start in life was never going to have any guarantee of a long life with me, but I get so bloody angry to think that people who run places like the one she came from are concerned more with money than the health and welfare of the dogs they breed from. Obviously if Poppy had never been a puppy farm bitch, I wouldn't have her now, but I just love this little girl so much I want her to have more time than she's had so far.

Getting back to the main reason for this blog, the diet, there's not much to report for today. Despite being upset today, I've not felt hungry not had any inclination whatsoever to eat as 'comfort'. It was 'curry day' in the cafe at work but luckily for me, I'm not keen on curry so that wasn't tempting. Tim ate a bag of crisps earlier and I could quite happily have eaten just one, to remind myself what I was missing, but he took himself off away so I didn't have to smell them or listen to him chomping away. Probably for the best.

Tomorrow is of course weigh-in night which I'm looking forward to. I've been drinking plenty of water and sticking to the foodpacks, although I'm rapidly going off the toffee bars. Hopefully my list that I wrote the other day will make the coming next week easier.

Monday 19 March 2007

Day 12


Work again today. Woke up before the alarm went off so maybe this theory of having more energy etc after the first couple of weeks is true. Frozen windscreen wipers lost me the time I gained from being early. Never mind.

Back on shift with Tim, which is ok. There are far worse co-workers to have. Tim now has the url for this blog so if he starts being mean to me, I'll just write mean things about him. Seriously though, Tim has actually been very supportive, so it does help. I'm not going to say too many nice things about Tim or he'll only let it go to his head and be further convinced that every female is, in his own words, gagging for him.

Anyway, I definitely feel like I'm coping near food better. I've smelt food, seen food and I'm not so bothered today. I've drunk over 5 litres of water already, which is keeping the hunger away, although I've had a bar and a foodpack already. I sat down yesterday and planned the next lot of foodpacks. I think I've been a bit hasty last week with my choices as I've got too many soups and bars. Hopefully by planning it better, I will enjoy them more.

Couldn't get an appointment at the vets for today so going tomorrow. Means I'll not be in work first thing, but at least with a morning apppointment if Pops does need to go in and get drained, they might do it the same day. She didn't want her breakfast again this morning so something needs to be done. Apart from the fact she needs to eat, I don't know if I'm ready yet to cope with roast chicken etc if Poppy goes off her food.


I've done some pondering today, after speaking to a couple of people. It's strange how the most unlikely people can be supportive. I suppose that if most people were honest they would have hangups about their weight, body etc so maybe I shouldn't be surprised. I knew someone who was so thin yet despite eating like a horse, but she just couldn't keep the weight on and she hated it. I think that was when I first realised that you don't have to be skinny to be happy and while being bigger you assume that thinner people are happier, its not necessarily the case.

Sunday 18 March 2007

Day 11

For some mad reason, I woke up at 6.30am this morning. On a Sunday??? Never mind, it was at the time nice and sunny so I got up. Felt quite perky so made the most of it by whizzing round doing houseworky things. Its not so bad being up early though as hopefully I'll be tired later and sleep ok as I'm back on day's tomorrow.

Went to my parents to see my mum, with it being Mothers Day. Feeling bad as my parents had been away for a week and she'd got me some fudge from Hotel Chocolat as of course she has no idea that I'm on LL. They won't be wasted though as next month we're off up to London to stay with my best friend Mindy in her lovely new house, and I'm hoping Mindy likes fudge as much as chocolate (Mindy, as you'll read this, just think of the huge favour you'll be doing me!). My parents are going to Barbados in May to visit my aunt and uncle who live there and mum wanted some sarongs for the beach. I found a couple of really nice ones on Ebay and gave them to her today. Little does she know that I plan to make use of them one day.

Poppy Poopaloopa is feeling very fed up with herself as she's got even more swollen so in the morning I'll be phoning the vets. Poppy's usual vet, Alison, is on holiday now so we'll try and see Malcolm instead as he is very good and know's me and the doglets well. Am hoping that when I get to work new co-worker will be ok with me taking a half day at short notice, but I figure going in is better than not going in and just phoning. Anyway, they know me by now and that if I need to go to the vets, I'm not pissing about.

Very odd weather today, bright sunshine now with hailstones. Just looking out the window and there's a bird on the bird feeder. About blooming time!! It's been there all winter and I keep cleaning it out and refilling with fresh sunflower seeds yet the birds in my garden haven't been interested.

Saturday 17 March 2007

Day 9 & 10

Hmm... most odd as I thought I had posted yesterday, but obviously not.

Anyway, I'm now on day 10 which has spurred me on somewhat as it means I am 10% through the initial 100 days. I know that realistically it will be longer than 100 days, but thats what Foundation starts with so it will do for now.

Good news is that my jeans feel looser and I can do my belt up a notch tighter. Bad news is that I've felt a bit rough the last few days, just tired, sore throat and grumpy. The grumpiness is nothing new, but hopefully the other things are just the changes my body is still getting used to.

Thursday 15 March 2007

Day 8, pt 2

Hmmm... well today wasn't so easy as I had hoped. Sitting in an open plan office and seeing people walk past with their Starbucks lattes, breakfast baps and lunch etc did make me feel hungry. I took 2 foodpacks and a toffee bar to work and drank over 5 litres of water, but still the smells made me feel hungry. I suppose being at home, I can avoid having to come into contact with food, whereas at work I can't. I know I will have to face it, but in my mind I think I want to be further into the programme, in a 'no going back' kind of way.

Anyway, this is just a short update as I'm knackered and need to be up early again in the morning.

Thank you for all the lovely comments, my wonderful cyber-support network. I've been a bit slack in keeping you with you all today but promise I will do soon :o)

Day 8

Back at work today on day shifts, so up early this morning. Surprised myself that I got up ok, despite going to bed later than I would normally have done before a day shift, so thats good.

Feeling great after last night. When I got dressed this morning I was pleased to find my work trousers weren't as snug as they have been in the past and my smart wool coat felt looser already. I guess that as I usually wear baggy clothes or jeans when I'm not working, to wear more fitted clothes is when I'll notice the changes.

I saw Katrina this morning (she did LL too) and she was really pleased for me. I had grilled her about LL for months and I think she's as relieved as me that I've started now. She looks great still and seems to be getting on fine with Management, so thats good to know.
I went downstairs just now and could smell the cooked breakfast in the cafe. My daiily routine at work used to involve a large Latte and a sausage or bacon bap for breakfast, so I'm feeling happy with myself for not being tempted at all.

Wednesday 14 March 2007

Weekly Weigh-In

Just a quick update as I'm working days tomorrow and have to be up at 5am, but went to session tonight and lost another 3lbs, so thats 11lbs total in first week. I'm pleased with myself!!

Day 7

First week almost over!! Will be going to LL session tonight for first official weekly weigh in and hope I'm still on track after my 8lb loss on Sunday. I didn't feel any different at the weekend so guess not feeling any different today is no clue as to whether I've lost more or not. In theory I should have as I am in ketosis and sticking to the foodpacks and still averaging 5 litres of water each day.

Reading the comments (thanks Ladies!) its interesting to read that we often do see foods are treats, and it seems often the wrong type of foods. I think that by doing LL, my attitude towards food will change and I will learn to have more common sense about food - and actually think before I scoff!

Oddly enough, after being hungry most of yesterday, I struggled to have the last foodpack. Thats a first for me! I'm not really missing coffee anymore, which has surprised me in a good way.

I'm back to work tomorrow so will mostly be pottering around today doing housework etc that I don't have time to do when I come in from work.

Tuesday 13 March 2007

Day 6, pt 2

I am such a good girl :o) I had a foodpack at about 9am and then went out on the transport run just before 11am. Hadn't thought to take a foodpack so drove up to Reading to collect the dog and then down to Bristol to drop off at the next stage of the run and didn't eat a single thing. I got home at about 3.45pm and was absolutely starving!!! I had to wait for about half an hour at Reading and despite going into the services to use the loo, I walked past the food area and didn't give in. As I knew I would have a bit of a wait, I stopped to get a magazine and bought a couple of cheap books and the girl on the till asked if I wanted a huge bar of chocolate for 99p!!! I was good and said no, but having that huge bar of bubbly Aero waved around in front of me nearly made me want to scream.

When I got to Bristol, the meeting point was in the Asda carpark, just across the road from McDonalds. My willpower stayed with me, even when I went into Asda to use the loo and had to go through the cafe area to get to it. How stupid is that? Let people use the toilets but make them go past all the hot food and cakes and coffee and other evil things. I abstained, and carried on with my water for the way home. I did manage to drink 1.5 litres while I was on the road, so thats good.

It did make me think though, that its no wonder I'm such a lardarse. I do a transport run every few weeks I suppose, although sometimes have done more than one a week, but each time I would stop off and get a large takeaway Latte and if I got hungry, I'd stop at Burger King or McDonalds and get burger and fries and eat as I drove. Its almost like I thought I would reward myself for doing the good deed of a transport run with junk food. It never occurred to me to make sandwiches to take along, or cereal bars or even actually eat breakfast before I went out.

I wonder how many of us think of food as a treat or reward? Or even just the idea that a reason or an excuse justifies eating what we do? If I ever go shopping with my mum, we'll stop for coffee and she'll always get cake or whatever and say its 'her treat'. I know its her way of thanking me for taking her out but just a thank you is fine, isnt it? I don't need to be treated with food, but being the pig I am, I accept it.

Talking of my mum, she doesn't know still that I've started on LL. My parents are away this week but I'll see them on Sunday as its Mothers Day. I doubt she'll notice any difference in me yet anyway and when I get there I can just drink water, so thats ok. I know I will tell her when she does notice, but at the moment I worry that she will worry about me and think its dangerous or whatever typically paternal worrying thought processes mum's have. Part of me wants to tell my mum as I know she'll understand why I can't be this big anymore and I'm sure that if I asked her, she would say that she worries about me and my weight.

Anyway, before I get too deep and meaninful, I shall go and make up a foodpack and tick off another glass of water.

Day 6

Well, nearly a week in and not doing too badly. I kept busy most of yesterday which seemed to help take my mind off any hunger pangs. I sorted out some of my clothes and washed and ironed shirts I used to wear to work but got a bit tight, so they are now ready for when I've shed a few more pounds. I don't have any clothes that are much smaller as I seem to have been this size or thereabouts for ages, but at least when I have trimmed down a bit there will be clothes ready to wear.

I made the most of the good weather so got out in the garden and mowed the lawn for the first time this year. Took the dogs up on the hill but wasn't the most energetic walks as Poppy didn't feel up to too much walking.

Off out today on a transport run but thankfully most of it is on the M4 so there will be plenty of motorway service stations for me to stop at should nature call.

I have to admit to feeling hungry a lot of the time. I'm not craving anything specific, just a sort of dull empty stomach feeling but if I was doing any other kind of diet, I would be feeling hungry being on reduced rations, so its no big deal. I'm looking forward to my first weekly weigh-in tomorrow night and hope I'm still on track!

Monday 12 March 2007

Day 5

Feeling really pleased still after last nights weigh-in and finding I had lost 8lb. I pee'd on the wee stick and I'm in ketosis, which is also great news. Apparently I must make sure I'm drinking enough water as the the pink bit was a dark pink which is heading towards dehydration, yet I'm drinking on average 5 litres a day.

Its weird as I've had times when I've felt hungry and my tummy has been rumbling, but I haven't had any thoughts of cheating or eating anything else at all. I suppose that I know that being on a diet means there are times when I'll be hungry and its been the same in the past. Once my stomach shrinks and gets used to not having much food, I'm sure it will settle down. I still keep feeling achey and cold, but again I am sure it will pass once my body is completely over the carbs withdrawal. I hope so, anyway!

This week we can have our bars to eat, which will be nice to have something to actually chew on. I had a go at making the chocolate muffin last night but it was vile. I think I'll stick to drinking it but maybe try it cold.

One thought that struck me was that although 8lb's in 4 days is a fantastic loss, I just don't feel any different. I guess it will be a while before I do, but I'm looking forward to when I feel like I've lost weight rather than just going by the scales.

Sunday 11 March 2007

Day 4, pt 2

Just home from my pop-in session - I've lost 8lbs so far!!!

I'm happy.

Day 4

Sunday morning and have my pop-in session later. Will be changing some of the foodpacks as I really don't like the caramel or vanilla flavours.

I went to bed at about 11.30 last night and didn't set the alarm, but woke up just after 7am. Can't stop yawning now! Feel a bit groggy, that sort of dull hungover feeling, but have taken some ibuprofen so hoping it will pass soon. I just keep telling myself that it will be worth it in the long run and if I can get through this, then it will make me a stronger person.

In a way its odd as I knew it wasn't going to be easy, giving up food, and I knew of some of the side effects, but its the constant groggy feeling that I hadn't expected. I'm sure TOTM can't be helping so maybe in some ways its better to start off feeling rough and then start feeling better in a few days? I'm hoping so!

Will find out later if I'm in ketosis, so fingers crossed, I will be and it will spur me on.

Saturday 10 March 2007

Day 3

Not much to report today really. Came home and slept for a few hours. Felt a bit light headed when I got up and had a hot chocolate. Have had a headache for most of the day.

Was cheered up slightly by it being a lovely sunny day here so took the dogs up to the hill for a little pootle about. Since swelling up again, Poppy is slowing down but I think she enjoyed being out, despite the narky look on her face in the pic!

My two 'adopted' baby brothers came round earlier. They've done me the favour of taking away my two unopened bottles of Ribena (I luuuurve Ribena!) and were interested as to how I was doing. I saw them before my first session last week so they're keen to keep up with my progress.

I was feeling quite icky earlier, all sort of shivvery and achey so I went and had a soak in a hot bath and felt a lot better after. I'm still drinking plenty of water and have had all 4 foodpacks for today so couldn't understand why I felt so cack, but then realised it was TOTM so I'm going to use that as an excuse rather than the diet.

I've got the fire on, have myself snuggled up in pj's and fluffy socks and will now cuddle up on the sofa with Poppy and watch a DVD.

Friday 9 March 2007

Day 2, pt 3

I'm just having my last foodpack of the day (mushroom) and it's definitely better after having brought my blender in. I've drank 5 litres of water today, which I am pleased with and its not actually been a struggle.

Poppy got on rather well at the vets. She's been going once a week since the beginning of the year and although she has got more swollen again, Alison (vet) is happy that she is brighter in herself and eating dog food again. She's happy that Poppy is having short walks each day, so thats good. Alison is away for a couple of weeks so we're to go back in 3 weeks time. That in itself is great news as it means that she's not so worried about her. When we go back Alison sid she'd decide whether to try another drain and see if anymore of the fluid can be removed.

So far work has been a bit chaotic but its calming down now. I'm hoping not to feel so rough again overnight, but at least its the last shift tonight and when I finish at 7am, I'm out of here until Thursday.


Day 2, pt2

Ok, so I came home from work but felt more tired than hungry so went straight to bed. Slept ok - only got up twice for a wee. Since getting up this afternoon I've already drunk nearly a litre of water and just had a hot chocolate.

Feeling pleased with myself as when I went to Tesco last night I walked past the bread section and could smell hot cross buns and they smelt lovely!! I'm surprising myself with my willpower at not eating anything apart from the foodpacks. I know its only day 2 and I know I have a long way to go, but I'm going to concentrate on feeling pleased with myself as I figure positive thoughts are better than wasting time on thinking about what I am missing.

The vanilla shake last night, well 3am this morning, was cack. Didn't like it at all! Will take them back and swap them on Sunday.

I'm going to be taking my electric blender to work as it definitely makes the drinks up better. I'm also going to wear warmer clothes as I really felt cold all night.

Taking Poppy to the vets tonight for her heart checkup so had better stop faffing about now!

Day 2

Well its only just day 2, but it counts to me!

I'm feeling a little better now. I think some of how I was feeling earlier is down to the shifts and not having slept much before coming to work. I had a raspberry foodpack at about 11.30pm and it was nice, although I couldn't get the lumps to dissolve even with the whisk. Will try at home with my proper blender. My headache is back, but apart from feeling tired, I'm ok.

I went to the 24hr Tesco just now to stock up. I am paranoid about bad breath, especially as I smoke, I got a couple of bottles of breath freshner. I've been reading a lot about saggy skin so I invested in some skin firming lotion. Whether it works is of course another matter, but it can't hurt to buy things for 'me' if you know what I mean.

Thursday 8 March 2007

Day 1, pt3

At work now and have not long had a mushroom soup. It tasted ok. I'm feeling the effects of not having caffiene or carbs as I'm achey, feeling cold and feeling tired, despite sleeping for an hour this afternoon. I suppose this is the reality bit kicking in. I've gone past 4 litres of water but the wee'ing has slowed a little as I can go a whole half hour without needing to wee!

I'm not sure that being on night shifts for my first few days was such a good idea, but at least its only tonight and tomorrow and then I'm off until Thursday.

I think I'll go and read some blogs and focus on getting through the next few days.

Day 1,pt2

I'm a bit shocked really that I'm doing ok. I've drunk 3.5 litres of water already and have had two foodpacks. As I'm working nights tonight, I went to bed for a couple of hours earlier. Have since got up, walked dogs and hoovered. Feel a bit peckish now, but not hungry enough to have a foodpack. Will take some to work to have one when I get there and then another later.

I've been going to the loo non-stop, but I'm hoping that will settle down. I think I'm not doing too badly with the water as I would usually drink lots of coffee. I did try it black but I'm not keen on it.

I'm looking forward to Sunday and finding out whether I've got to Ketosis yet.

Day 1

Woke up early today, which is a shame as I wanted to sleep in and conserve some energy as I am on nights tonight.

Tried a black coffee but really don't like it so had a large glass of water instead. Couldn't decide which foodpack to have but after much dithering went for the chocolate. Used my whizzy new hand blender and made it into a tall drink in my Latte mug. Although it didn't taste very chocolatey it wasn't too bad. Have drunk it all and another glass of water. I predict many visits to the loo today!

It's strange though, as I feel quite full up, yet have only had one hot chocolate and 2 glasses of water.

Wednesday 7 March 2007

Here we go then

First session was good. Only 5 of us in the group so far but everyone seems really nice. I got weighed, measured and photographed, so as this is the last day I will be this size, here's my stats:

Weight - 18st 0.5 lb
Height - 5ft 4.5 inches
Chest - 47 inches
Wasit - 45 inches
Hips - 56 inches


Seems awful written down, but I'm not going to dwell on it. The journey starts here!

This is it

This is the last time I am going to be this size. I don't know where these thoughts come from, but it dawned on my just now. When I get weighed tonight, its going to be awful, but, I know that I will do this. I will succeed and from here on I'm going to change.

I'm going to call in on some friends who live near where the LL meeting is and see them first, then go on to the meeting. I'm in such an insanely positive mood today, I'm on the verge of scaring myself! Poppy has eaten proper dog food today without having to have chicken or gravy in it to tempt her, we've had a lovely walk on the top of the hill and I phoned work to speak to Katrina to find out that I passed an important exam that I took a few weeks ago.

I asked Katrina's advice for eating the foodpacks when working the shifts and she said to count from midnight to midnight as each day so take a pack to have for breakfast in the early hours of the next morning. Thats easy enough!

I can and WILL do this! My friends believe in me, so I just need to believe in myself....

Deliberating

I've had a clear out of the kitchen cupboards and have thrown a load of stuff out. I've only had 2 coffee's today, partly as I'm nearly out of milk and partly to get in the habit of drinking water rather than coffee all the time.

I'm trying to decide what to do tomorrow. I'm working tomorrow night, so thats a 12 hour shift. I can't decide when is going to be the best time to have my foodpacks as I don't want to get hungry in the night, but then need to make sure I have the required amount. I'm on nights Friday too, so I guess in theory I could have Friday's breakfast drink during the latter part of tomorrow nights shift.

I might give Katrina at work a call in a bit and ask her.

Wednesday at last!

So, its finally Wednesday, the day of my first LL session. Technically, I suppose I'm not actually starting until tomorrow on the food packs, but the journey starts tonight. From reading other blogs, I get the feeling that apart from being weighed I will also get measured. This is not something I am looking forward to, having to see how fat I really am, but I suppose its all part of the process.

I was thinking that I'd have a last moment of naughtyness and stop off at the chip shop on the way home, but then I thought, nope, thats a bad idea. The glycogens that I'd get from the food would be with me once I've started on the foodpacks, so I figure it will be best not to pig out!

Its a lovely sunny day here in Wiltshire so I'm hoping its a sign that today marks the start of brighter times ahead for me.

Tuesday 6 March 2007

Reasons why

Well this time tomorrow I will be in my first LL session. Needless to say, I've been thinking about little else! I thought I would concentrate this post on why I want to lose this weight so badly, so here's some of my Reasons Why:

I want to be healthy
I want to be able to walk and talk at the same time
I don't want to die younger than I should
I want to be happy with myself
I want to be able to shop for clothes wherever I like
I don't want to be the fattest person when I'm with a group of people
I want to have more energy
I want to enjoy my life rather than hide myself away
I don't want to be held back anymore
I want to be confident

There's probably loads that I've forgotten, now that I've sat down and tried to list them.

Waiting....

Since last week I've been counting down the days, but today it feels strange yet exciting to think that it's tomorrow that I start this journey. I'm trying to avoid calling it a diet, as really, its not, is it? I'm going to be eating foodpacks rather than specific things or weighed out calorie counted foods. I'm thinking I will enjoy not having so much washing up!

There's not going to be any cheating. When I did WW it was easy enough to cheat - save up points and blow them all on crap food. I've been reading on Minimins that some people are struggling to eat all their foodpacks, so I'm hoping I manage them, plus the water. I have to. I honestly can't see any other way I am going to lose this weight.

Monday 5 March 2007

2 days to go....

Came home from work this morning and slept for a few hours. Had a coffee after I'd sorted the dogs out and thought that when I next come home from work in the morning, I'll be having a LL drink instead. I do seem to be completely obsessed with LL and I've not even started it yet!

I was bored in the early hours last night so surfed the net and found the http://www.minimins.com weight loss forum. Looks like a really friendly place with lots of like minded people. The information in the LL area is really good and helping me realise what to expect as I go through the programme. I think I'm going to find the site another form of support, and lets face it, I'm going to need all the support I can get!

We had a very wet and windy walk this afternoon as I took the dogs up to the hill. Bumpy ran around like a mad thing and Poppy managed to potter about. It's great to see her perkier as she has been so poorly. Had to stop at the vets and get some more of her tablets so called in to the supermarket round the corner and bought Pops a whole roast chicken. God, its smelt good!! As she's not eating properly, Pops has chicken most days so I am really hoping that the smell of roasted chicken doesn't make me want to eat it.

I'm thinking that tomorrow I might sort out some of my clothes. My wardrobe is packed full of stuff that doesnt fit and to be honest, there's not much I actually like. I think it would be good to have a clear out.

Sunday 4 March 2007

Ooops





Just realised anyone who's reading this and doesnt know me won't have a clue who Bumpy is! BumpyJake is my 11 year old blind, one eye'd Black Labrador. I've had him nearly 2 years and he is my comedy dog - he makes me laugh each day and I love him to bits.
I also have Poppy, who is my little Choccie Lab angel. She's nearly 10 and was a brood bitch until she was rescued at 7 years old. She's sadly very poorly with heart disease but we're bumbling along.

This photo of them makes me giggle - we were walking on the Malrborough Downs and Poppy was most unimpressed with the wind in her ears.








Life in limbo...

Feel a bit like I'm in limbo now while I wait for Wednesday, although I suppose I won't actually be starting LL properly until Thursday. It's been a crappy day with the weather today so apart from getting drenched walking Bumpy, I've not done a lot. Haven't eaten much either and have a nice chicken pasta salad for my dinner tonight.

I'm at work tonight, on a 12 hour shift which finishes at 7am. I was due to be on nights Wednesday but managed to get a swap so I could go to join my LL group.

Strange thing with all this LL stuff is that I've told friends and online friends on the dog rescue forum I frequent, but I've not actually told my mum yet. I know that if I were to ask her whether she worries about my weight, she would tell me she does, so I know she would be supportive. Maybe I'm not saying anything as every other time I've started a diet I've told her but then failed?

I have been searching for other LL blogs and have found a couple that are really encouraging. It's really good to read other people's experiences and see how well they are doing with not only losing weight but also the changes that occur as part of the programme. I have read so much LL stuff lately I hope I'm as prepared as I can be, but I guess in a few days I'll find out!

Lesley, thank you so much for your lovely comment! I'm getting a bit addicted to your blog, I have to say *lol*. Will pop over and catch up :o)

Saturday 3 March 2007

4 days to go

Not much to report today. Went to Bristol to see a friend and had a couple of coffee's but then stopped on the way home at McDonalds. Did a bit of shopping in Sainsburys and got bacon to have a buttie for breakfast tomorrow. Feels odd, but in a good way, to think that all these things I like I will not eat again for months.

I bought some sweetners to have with coffee instead of sugar. I'm not keen on black coffee but I'll give it a go although I suspect I'll end up drinking water when I would normally have had coffee.

My bestest friend Mindy has given me a rather wonderful incentive - when I've got down to a size 14 she is going to buy me a Radley bag of my choice. I love my Radley things - I have one bag, one umbrella, a mobile phone holder, 2 purses and a mirror in a case. When I was in Bath yesterday I was looking at the Radley bags in House of Fraser and there are some lovely new ones. I'm not sure how much weight I will need to lose to get to a size 14, but I'm guessing its going to be autumn time, so perfect for the new season Radley bags. Its a very generous and lovely thing for her to do and not only am I looking forward to being the size I want to be, but I'll have a fab new Radley hanging off my arm!

While I was in the car earlier I drank a half litre bottle of water. My friend San who is doing so brilliantly well on LL said she usually drinks a litre of water on the way to and from work. I'm thinking thats a good plan and will have a bottle ready for when I'm in the car.

I just want to get to Wednesday now and get started. I have this overwhelming feeling that my life will change once I'm no longer fat. I hope I'm right...

Friday 2 March 2007

Getting prepared


Sarah and I had a fab day today. I had what is probably my last Starbucks latte for several months (I'm a bit of a Starbucks addict). We did some shopping and I now have a lovely, shiney new electric hand blender so I can mix my soups and shakes properly and not have any nasty lumps. I also got 2 little electric whisks, small enough to keep one in my bag so if I'm out somewhere and need to mix a foodpack I can, and the other one will stay in my drawer at work.


I had a lovely long chat on the phone with my best friend Mindy just now and its so encouraging that she is supporting me completely. We've only known each other about 3 years but she said that in that time she's noticed my weight gain. She was too polite to tell me, bless her! Mindy is like my guardian angel and looks out for me all the time. Our common love is our dogs, all Labradors - we have 2 each. We're going on holiday in October and I'm excited to think that I will be thinner and have so much more energy to go out and about and do stuff. Even walking and talking will be great!


One of the main concepts of LL is the counselling sessions and support, but having good friends who will support me day to day is going to be invaluable. Sarah is thinking of doing LL herself and I hope she does. Maybe if I get off to a good start it will motivate her, and it was strange saying goodbye to her this evening knowing that when I see her next I will have lost weight.


I only see Mindy every couple of months as she lives in London, but as I probably won't see her until the end of April, by then I would have done about 6 weeks of LL, so I might have lost a stone and a half by then (LL average loss is a stone a month). Not sure it will show, but hopefully it will.


I've got a start date!!

Had an email back from Debbie yesterday evening with my start date - Wednesday 7th March! Eeeek!!!

So, as last night I had my last Chinese takeaway for a long time, I made the most of it and ate load. It was lovely though, and Sarah and I had a great evening catching up. Since Sarah moved up to Derby, I don't see her nearly as much so it was good to spend an evening nattering. We're off to Bath today to do some shopping and have lunch - I'm making the most of eating real food while I still can!

Part of me is terrified of starting LL in case I struggle with the foodpacks rather than real food, but the other part of me is thinking that by the end of this year, I could have lost the weight that has been getting me down so much for so many years.

Its not going to be easy, I know, but I've got to focus on the goal and I keep telling myself that its only several months out of my life. I'm 35 now, have been overweight for probably about 15 years, so whats a few months?

Thursday 1 March 2007

Last takeaway?

Well, in theory!! My good friend Sarah is coming down from Derby and staying tonight so we're having a Chinese takeaway. Chinese food is my favourite and I'm sure I'm going to miss it once I start LL, so I'm going to make the most of it tonight. And a glass or two of wine.

I've taken my medical form to Debbie, the counsellor, but she was out so I've left a voicemail. And emailed her! Its so strange that I am excited about not eating for months, but I'm so positive that this is the way forward for me, I just want to get started as soon as I can. I've been overweight for longer than I can remember and so much in my life seems to be affected by it. Lack of confidence, self loathing, sadness are just a few of the issues I have with myself.

Today is a good day so I'm not going to get myself down by thinking too much.

Happy today!

I've just been to see the practice nurse for my medical check. She was really, really lovely and fully supportive of me doing LL. She'd not heard of it but agreed that for some people who have a lot of weight to lose, we need something extreme to get the weight shifted.

I gave her the info booklet that Debbie gave me on Sunday which she's going to keep. She said she might even be interested in doing LL herself!!

The lovely thing was that when she said which days she was in so I could see her when I go for my regular blood pressure checks, she said she would do all she could to add to the support I was getting.